SECRET OF THE WINGS Bloopers
by Nerdherder51
Summary: Bloopers, deleted scenes, DVD extras that never made it and other behind the scenes hijinks and shenanigans from the Tinker Bell film: SECRET OF THE WINGS. Some Clarion / Milori goofs. Rated T for some risque, gross out and/or sensual humor.
1. Chapter 1

**Because so many have requested it, here is the first chapter of bloopers, outtakes and back stage hijinks from the film SECRET OF THE WINGS. Milarion fans rejoice, I guarantee some scenes with Clarion and Milori will appear throughout. I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: Tinker Bell, Disney Fairies and all associated characters and content are the property of The Walt Disney Company, the character of Tinker Bell originated by J. M. Barrie. This fan fiction is not intended for profit or monetary gain and exists solely for the purpose of fan entertainment. **

* * *

Opening

_Terence delivers a bag of Pixie Dust to Tinker Bell. She catches the bag and waves coyly to Terence. She sprinkles some of the dust on herself and flies off to work carrying a lost thing she crafted and which is modelled on a human fishing rod and reel. _

_The camera tracks her flight. _

_As she flies off through the forest canopy Tinker Bell turns and looks over her shoulder wistfully at Terence while he continues on his delivery route. She sighs… and then the camera man runs smack into a tree. The camera shot shows it tumble through the branches before landing with crunch on the ground below. The camera operator follows a second later._

Cameraman: aaaaaaAAAAAAAAHH-OOF!

Director Peggy Holmes (off camera): MEDIC!

Cameraman (in a weak voice): Is my leg supposed to bend that way?

* * *

The Grass Bundle

Take 1:

_Tinker Bell lowers the rope from her lost thing into the mouse cart to retrieve the final bundle of grass for the winter baskets. She reels it in but instead of the bundle, Silvermist is at the end of the line and is flailing about like a hooked fish. _

_Tinker Bell bursts out laughing._

Silvermist (giggling): Gotcha!

Tinker Bell: Yep. You got me real good, Sil.

Take 2:

_Tinker Bell lowers the rope from her lost thing into the mouse cart to retrieve the final bundle of grass for the winter baskets. She reels it in but instead of the bundle, Terence is standing on the end of the rope wearing absolutely nothing except his acorn hat and a strategically placed fig leaf._

_Fairy Mary and the other tinkers avert their eyes._

Fairy Mary (more amused than angry): Terence, shame on you.

Tinker Bell (blushing and clearly embarrassed): Ahhh! Terence! What are you doing?

_Terence starts to flex his muscles a bit._

Terence: Just showing off for my favorite girl..., so I'll get a bigger part in this movie.

Vidia (off camera): That fig leaf is looking kind of small, Terence. Not much to show off so I guess you're stuck with a cameo.

Tinker Bell: Hey!

_Tinker Bell drops her lost thing to chase down Vidia. Terence falls back into the cart, but his fig leaf falls elsewhere. Everyone turns away as a now naked Terence tries to sit up in the cart. He grabs his acorn hat, places it strategically over his er..., sparrow man parts and flits his way out of the Tinker's Nook and off camera while Tinker Bell chases Vidia around the Nook screaming obscenities at the flyer and shaking her fists in disgust._

Director Peggy Holmes (groaning): This is going to be one of those movies, isn't it?

* * *

Bobble and Clank with the Basket

_Bobble and Clank are weaving the leaves into the baskets which they will send into the Winter Woods via the snow owls. However, Clank has accidentally woven Bobble's hands into the basket. _

Bobble: Clankie? What have you done?

Clank: Sorry, Bobble.

_They try to remove Bobble's hands from the basket, but it starts to move up the conveyer with Bobble still stuck. _

Bobble: Clank. Help! Help! Get me off this crazy thing!

Clank: I'm trying, Bobble. But we did too good a job on the baskets.

_Warbling sounds can be heard in the distance._

Clank (with great astonishment and awe): Oh, look, Bobble. The snowy owls.

Bobble (terrified): WHAT!? CLANK! HURRY! HURRY!

_An owl dives down and grabs one of the baskets off the conveyer tower._

Clank: Did you see that? They just swoop in and pick up the baskets without slowing down. Then straight off to the Winter Woods they go. Isn't that fascinating?

Bobble: Yes, Clank, that is quite fascinating. NOW GET ME OUT OF THIS BASKET BEFORE I END UP IN THE WINTER WOODS AND FREEZE MY ACORNS OFF!

_Clank tries to pull Bobble out of the basket, but can't and the basket is swooped up and away by one of the owls._

Bobble (screaming): HELP! HEEELP!

Clank: Have fun, Bobble. Bring me a snow cone. Cherry flavor.

Director Peggy Holmes: Someone please turn around the snow owls and rescue Bobble before he screams himself hoarse. (Under her breath) Bradley* was right, these fairies are _nuts._

_*Note: That would be Bradley Raymond, director of the first three TINKER BELL films._

* * *

Tinker Bell and the Bunny at the Border

Take 3:

_Tinker Bell has roped one of the bunnies and is helping Fawn bring it to the border in the Autumn Forest. She is slammed into the side of the hill and dragged around until her dress is torn off by the friction._

Tinker Bell: AHH!

Director Peggy Holmes: TURN OFF THE CAMERA! TURN OFF TH- (recording ends)

Take 5:

_Tinker Bell has roped one of the bunnies and is helping Fawn bring it to the border in the Autumn Forest._

Tinker Bell: Whoa, Hoppy! Heel! Heel!

_The bunny stops suddenly near the border. Tinker Bell, instead of landing atop the bunny safely as scripted, shoots straight into the poor animals bum._

Tinker Bell (her head stuck inside the bunny's butt): Help! Help! Get me out of here!

_The bunny, unhappy with the current situation, starts bounding and bouncing around trying to dislodge the tinker fairy from its backside._

_Fawn, Rosetta, Vidia, Iridessa and Silvermist rush to pull them apart. Fawn and Silvermist grab the bunny from the front while Vidia, Rosetta and Iridessa take hold of Tinker Bell and pull her away. Finally Tinker Bell's head pops out and she and her rescuers tumble to the ground. Tinker Bell looks horror stricken and is shaking like a leaf._

Rosetta: Tink? Sugarplumb, are you okay?

Tinker Bell (spits out bunny poop and then, whimpering): I never… want to go there… again.

Fawn (to the bunny): Aww! Poor thing. Don't worry, everything's fine, Fawn is here.

Vidia: Wow, Tinker Bell, you have just gone where no fairy has gone before.

_The other fairies scowl at Vidia. _

Vidia: What?

Tinker Bell: I just want to go to my home and cry… for a year.

Fawn: Oh, Tink. The bunny wants to know if you saw anything he should be worried about while you were in there. Y'know, so he can see his doctor before it's too late.

Tinker Bell (incredulous) (in a slight and high pitched voice): Huhn?!

* * *

Tinker Bell Crosses the Border

Take 1:

_When the last bunny finally crosses into the Winter Woods, Fawn finds herself occupied with a sloth that has fallen asleep on the autumn side of the border. Tinker Bell, fascinated by the mysterious land that lies on the other side of the tree root bridge, steps across into the winter wonderland. _

_She slips on the snow and falls on her bum._

Tinker Bell: Oof! (laughing) I'm okay.

Take 2:

_When the last bunny finally crosses into the Winter Woods, Fawn finds herself occupied with a sloth that has fallen asleep on the autumn side of the border. Tinker Bell, fascinated by the mysterious land that lies on the other side of the tree root bridge, steps across into the winter wonderland. _

_She slips on the snow and falls off the bridge onto the ice below._

Tinker Bell: Whoa! Oof!

_Periwinkle comes running out of the Winter Woods and looks down into the crevice where Tink has fallen._

Periwinkle: Tink, are you alright?

Tinker Bell (mumbling) Doe, by tonkgue ith thtuck thoo dee eyeth. (Translation: No, my tongue is stuck to the ice.)

Periwinkle: What?

Tinker Bell: By tonkgue ith thtuck thoo dee eyeth.

Periwinkle: What? Say it again!

Tinker Bell: BY TONKGUE ITH THTUCK THO DEE EYETH!

Periwinkle: I can't understand you, I think your tongue is stuck to the ice.

Tinker Bell: Aughth!

Takes 3 -5:

_Tinker Bell slips on the ice each time. First she lands face down on the ice. Then she lands on her wings. Then after that she slips down the side of the root bridge, scrambles to keep from falling and then finally lands on the ice below again._

Tinker Bell (exasperated): This is getting old real fast.

Take 6:

_When the last bunny finally crosses into the Winter Woods, Fawn finds herself occupied with a sloth that has fallen asleep on the autumn side of the border. Tinker Bell, fascinated by the mysterious land that lies on the other side of the tree root bridge, steps across into the winter wonderland. _

_Her wings begin to glow. She is awestruck by the amazing sight._

Fawn (from across the border): Tinker Bell!

_Tinker Bell doesn't hear her._

Fawn (from across the border): Tink!

_Tinker Bell is roped by Fawn and yanked unceremoniously back across the border to the autumn side. Fawn then grabs Tinker Bell's arms and legs and in a flash ties them up. _

Fawn (stands, throws her arms up in the air and yells): Yahoo! I'm the calf roping champion of Pixie Hollow.

Tinker Bell: Augh! Not this again.

* * *

Between Scenes

_Lord Milori is sitting in his chair waiting for the next scene to be staged for filming. He is studying his script when Queen Clarion, a cameraman and a second unit director approach. They are filming some bits that will included as extras on the DVD and Blu-Ray._

Queen Clarion: Milori, dear, Tinker Bell has so many fans and I'm sure they would like to get to know you. Why don't you introduce yourself and say something to them?

Lord Milori (with a cheeky smile): Milori. Lord Milori. And I have a license to chill.

Queen Clarion (laughing): Is that all?

Lord Milori (grabs Queen Clarion, sits her on his lap and wraps his arms around her): Unless it's with my beautiful wife, the queen. Then I have a license to thrill.

Queen Clarion: Milori, no. (She playfully swats him across the shoulder) This is for children.

Second Unit Director: Cut!

* * *

**Okay folks, that is Chapter 1. Please tell me what you think. And yes, there will be a few more Clarion / Milori scenes later on.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I should be doing Accounting homework, but I have to please my fans. Enjoy.**

* * *

_Tinker Bell has just been released from the hospital and has told everyone that her wings sparkled._

Tinker Bell: It was as if the Winter Woods was calling to me. Y'know?

Vidia: And what did the Woods say to you? (in funny voice) Tinker Bell. Tinker Bell, come over here and freeze your ass off.

Tinker Bell: Oh, Vidia.

Director Peggy Holmes: Cut!

Rosetta: Vidia why can't you just follow the script?

Tinker Bell: She visited Spike in the Woods last week and her butt was numb for days.

Vidia: It still is..., a little (rubbing her backside).

Silvermist: Oh, I know how to fix that.

Vidia: Really? When the finest healing talents in all of Pixie Hollow have already tried?

Silvermist: Just sit your tushy in warm water.

Vidia: Tried it. Been trying it for days, every moment I can, even between scenes.

Silvermist: Wait, does this numbness come and go? Or is it constant?

Vidia: It comes and goes. Why? Have you taken a sudden interest in my butt?

Rosetta: Vidia! She's tryin' to help.

Silvermist: When is it worst? Right after sitting in the warm water?

Vidia: During and right after sitting in the warm water, why?

Silvermist: And does it go down your legs?

Vidia: Yeah, why?

Silvermist: And what are you using to hold the warm water?

Vidia: A thimble. WHY?

Silvermist: And do your legs and tushy start to feel tingly after you get off the thimble?

Vidia: YES! WHY?!

Silvermist: Oh well, that's your problem.

Vidia: What?! What?! Tell me already!

Silvermist: Your tushy isn't numb from the cold, it's from the thimble. Your legs and tushy are falling asleep because of how your sitting on the thimble. Your just fine. Next time try a small clamshell, or something that doesn't pinch off your nerve and cut your circulation. That's what the thimble is doing to you.

Vidia: Really? That's it? Just stop using the the thimble?

Silvermist: Yeah.

Vidia: Stupid doctors. What do they know?

Iridessa: Well, did you tell them you were using a thimble?

Vidia: Ummm..., no.

Fawn: Well then they didn't know that.

* * *

_Tinker Bell is visiting the library to learn more about why her wings sparkled at the border. _

Tinker Bell (opens one book and is nearly blinded): Light reading. (She continues searching) Windology. Dustology. Wingology!

_Tinker Bell takes the book and opens it. The book should just flutter around until she wrestles it to a table. Instead, the book hits Tinker Bell smack in the face and pushes her straight to the ground. Then it begins to flutter around and pummel Tinker Bell, whoomp, whoomp, whoomp!_

Tinker Bell (to librarian): Help! Help! Make it stop!

Librarian: It does that to all the fairies who open it for the first time. Just give it a few minutes and it will tire itself out.

Tinker Bell (incensed): WHAT!? YOU MAKE THIS THING STOP OR I'LL TELL ALL OF YOUR SCI FI BUDDIES THAT YOUR GENUINE WILLIAM SHATNER TOUPEE IS ACTUALLY MADE FROM SQUIRREL HAIR!

Librarian (he gasps): That's supposed to be our little secret. You wouldn't?

Tinker Bell (growling): TRY ME!

_The librarian grabs the book and wrestles with it. Unfortunately, the book gets the best of him and starts to pummel the hapless nerd._

Librarian: Help! Help!

Director Peggy Holmes: Cut! Could someone help the little guy?

* * *

_Tinker Bell has decided to go into the Winter Woods. She makes a cold weather outfit for herself, tucks her wings into the coat and gathers what she needs into a small bag. Just before leaving she notices that there are no puffballs on the snow boots she made. She goes to a drawer and pulls out two and places them over her toes._

_They promptly fall off._

Tinker Bell: Whoops!

Director Peggy Holmes: That's okay, let's pick it up where she puts the puffballs on her shoes.

Take 2:

_Tinker Bell leans over and puts the puffballs on her winter boots. They stay in place. She wiggles her toes and they fall off._

Tinker Bell: Augh!

Take 3:

_Tinker Bell leans over to put the puffballs on her winter boots. She applies and holds them in place for a moment. She slowly lets them go and they stay in place. Satisfied, Tinker Bell leaps into the air to fly, but can't since her wings are tucked into her coat. She falls flat on the ground._

Tinker Bell: Can't fly.

_The puffballs roll past her head._

Tinker Bell: Can't keep these stupid things on my feet, either.

Takes 4 - 15:

_Tinker Bell relentlessly tries to keep the puffballs on her winter boots. Every time she tries they fall of immediately or shortly after._

_Again._

_And again._

_And again._

_And again._

_Until finally..._

Tinker Bell: I know. Terence, bring me some quick drying cement.

Terence (off screen): Cement? Is that a good idea?

Tinker Bell: Yeah! I'm a tinker fairy, remember?

Terence: Okay, okay.

_Moments later he returns with the quick dry cement. Tinker Bell applies a small dab to each boot._

Tinker Bell: Let's try this again.

_Which leads us to... _

Take 16:

Director Peggy Holmes: Back to your marks. Camera. And action.

_Tinker Bell removes two puffballs from the drawer and places them on the tips of her winter boots. She holds them there for a few seconds so that the quick drying cement can take hold._

_When she tries to stand upright..._

Tinker Bell: Uh oh.

Director Peggy Holmes: Cut! What happened.

Tinker Bell: Uhhhh..., I'm stuck.

_Laughter from off camera._

Director Peggy Holmes: What?!

Tinker Bell: I'm stuck. The cement dried to my hands and now I can't stand up. (Sweetly, hoping he won't laugh or say "I told you so") Terence, could you bring me some solvent?

Terence (off camera): Right on it. Oh, and Tink? I told you so.

Tinker Bell: Augh! I knew he was going to say that.

_Vidia suddenly appears on screen. She grabs her iPhone and starts to take pictures of Tinker Bell's butt._

Tinker Bell: What are you doing?

Vidia: It's your best side, sweetie. I thought we could use it for the movie case.

Tinker Bell (groaning): And you're going to put them up on the bulletin board at the Pixie Dust Tree, too, aren't you?

Vidia (sarcastically): What a great idea.

Director Peggy Holmes: Quit while you're ahead, Tinker Bell.

Vidia: Don't you mean "Quit while she's 'behind?'"

_Laughter from the cast and crew who are watching._

Tinker Bell: Where is Terence with that solvent?

* * *

_Tinker Bell slips into Tinker's Nook dressed in her winter wear. As scripted, she is supposed to jump out from behind cover and stealthily make her way to the snowflake baskets as they are pulled up the conveyer._

_What she actually does is..._

Take 1:

Tinker Bell (singing): Dun Dun DaDun, Dun Dun DuDun, Dun Dun DaDun, Dun Dun DuDun, Deedadoo, Deedadoo, Deedadoo, Dadup.

Director Peggy Holmes: Cut! Tinker Bell, what was that?

Tinker Bell (sheepishly): Uuh..., the theme from _Mission Impossible_?

Director Peggy Holmes: Please stop singing that. Besides, we can't use it, it's licensed and we would have to pay a fee to use it in the movie.

Tinker Bell: Oh, okay.

Director Peggy Holmes: Alright, everyone, let's take it from the top.

Take 2:

_Tinker Bell jumps out from behind cover. She starts to hum something different. At one point she stops cold and flattens herself against the wall of the Nook. She keeps hitting the same note over and over again like a broken record._

Director Peggy Holmes: CUT! I told you not to hum that theme song.

Tinker Bell: It's not _Mission Impossible. _ That's Kronk's theme.

Director Peggy Holmes: Who?

Tinker Bell: Kronk. Y'know, the big, dumb guy from _The Emperor's New Groove_? That's a Disney film and we don't need to pay a license fee for it.

Director Peggy Holmes: Don't. Please don't. Not today.

Take 3:

_Tinker Bell jumps out from behind cover._

Tinker Bell: Dadum, dadum, dadumdadumda...

Director Peggy Holmes: STOP! Let me guess, _The Pink Panther_?

Tinker Bell: Yeah.

Director Peggy Holmes: No more humming theme songs.

Take 4:

_Tinker Bell jumps out from behind cover. She immediately goes into ninja poses._

Director Peggy Holmes: CUT!

Take 5:

_Tinker Bell jumps out from behind cover._

Tinker Bell: The Winter Woods, the final frontier. These are the adventures of...

Director Peggy Holmes: NO!

Take 6:

_Tinker Bell jumps out from behind cover._

Tinker Bell: In 1972 a crack tinker fairy was sent to prison by a military court for a crime she didn't commit. This fairy promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Pixie Hollow underground. Today, still wanted by the queen, she survives as soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find her, maybe you can hire...

Director Peggy Holmes: NOO!

Take 7:

_Tinker Bell jumps out from behind cover_.

Tinker Bell (singing): Go go, Power Ranger Fairy...

Director Peggy Holmes: What did I tell you about singing theme songs?

Take 8:

_Tinker Bell jumps out from behind cover._

Tinker Bell (in a deep voice): Autobots, transform and roll out.

Director Peggy Holmes: CUT!

Take 9:

_Tinker Bell jumps out from behind cover._

Tinker Bell: Two fairies walk into a bar...

Director Peggy Holmes: NO!

Take 10:

_Tinker Bell jumps out from behind cover._

Tinker Bell: Amway calling.

Vidia: Whoa! Now that's scary.

Take 11:

_Tinker Bell jumps out from behind cover._

Tinker Bell (impersonating John Wayne): Well, howdy, Pilgrim.

Director Peggy Holmes: Ugh.

Take 12:

_Tinker Bell jumps out from behind cover._

Tinker Bell: Bell. Tinker Bell. And I have a license to uh..., to uh..., drill?

Take 13:

_Tinker Bell jumps out from behind cover._

_Tinker Bell starts to mime her way across the courtyard towards the baskets until she runs into an invisible wall._

Director Peggy Holmes (makes whimpering noises)

Take 14:

_Tinker Bell jumps out from behind cover._

Tinker Bell: This is agent Tinker Bell Smart. Agents of the evil organization V.I.D.I.A., I have you surrounded by two commando units of crack fairy scouts armed with the latest in Tinker weapons technology. Do you believe it? Two commando units.

Director Peggy Holmes: (sighs) No.

Tinker Bell: Alright. Would you believe twenty fairy scouts who are still a little wet behind he ears and some spear grass?

Director Peggy Holmes: No.

Tinker Bell: Alright. Would you believe a dust keeper fairy and an angry poodle?

Director Peggy Holmes (banging her head against the camera): Why me? Why didn't I agree to direct _Planes_ instead these lunatics?

* * *

_While Tinker Bell and her friends are shooting their scenes on the warm side Queen Clarion and Lord Milori are having a picnic in the Winter Woods. She is dressed in her finest winter coat, boots and gloves. He is equally dressed in his best finery. The royal couple are sitting on a thick blanket while Lord Milori's owl is not far away, resting._

_Milori takes a cracker, dabs some jelly on it and playfully feeds it to his love. He follows with a strawberry dipped in cream. He puts his arm around her waist, leans in and kisses her gently on the lips._

Lord Milori: Oh, I almost forgot. Some music.

Queen Clarion: Milori you spoil me.

_Lord Milori takes his iPod Touch and presses a selection on the screen. Music begins to play._

Queen Clarion: The Theme from James Bond?

Lord Milori: I thought you would enjoy being a Bond Girl for a day, my love.

Queen Clarion (suspiciously): Which one do you suggest?

Lord Milori: What do you think of Puss-

Queen Clarion: Don't... You... Dare.

Lord Milori: I wouldn't dream of it, dear. Perhaps you would consider Xenia Onatopp, from _Goldeneye_.

Queen Clarion (dryly): Onatopp?

Lord Milori: Onatopp.

_He leans over, gently laying the queen on her back as he kisses her passionately, onatopp._

* * *

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, followed or PM'ed me. Let me know what you think of this installment.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Welcome to another installment of SECRET OF THE WING. I do hope you enjoy this new entry. **

**Please review, good or bad. Feedback tells me what jokes to write in and what to leave out.**

* * *

_The snowy owls arrive to pick up the last order of snowflake baskets. The newcomer is supposed to show his inexperience by coming in a little low. He comes in too low and smacks into the side of Tinker's Nook._

_Several fairies fly to the crash site to check on the owl._

Fairy Mary: Ooooh. Is that poor bird alright?

Fawn (who is checking on the owl): No. Here's a Mary Jane wrapper.

Fairy Mary (shocked): Do you mean that creature is baked?

Fawn: No, he's on a sugar high. See? (She holds up a wrapper for Mary Jane Peanut Butter and Molasses candy) I think he ate several of these before shooting began. He's probably too wired up from all the sugar to do anything right now.

Fairy Mary (shaking her head): Method actors. What are you going to do?

* * *

_The new and inexperienced snow owl has taken the basket containing Tinker Bell and flown her into the Winter Woods. The tinker fairy accidentally opens the drop doors and causes the owl to crash into the landing site, releasing the basket and spilling some of Tinker Bell's possessions._

_Tinker Bell is supposed to try and recover the Wingology book before accidentally kicking it over to the Lord of Winter. Instead, she decides to play a little practical joke on Lord Milori._

_Something slides across the ice which strikes the back of Milori's heel._

Lord Milori: Oop. What's this?

_He picks up the item._

Lord Milori: A Blu-Ray copy of THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS. A James Bond film, starring Timothy Dalton.

Sled: Is it a good movie?

Lord Milori: Oh excellent. Excellent film, my boy. It should be required viewing for all performing talents. Dalton gives a bravura performance as Bond.

Sled: It's one of your favorite films, isn't it?

Lord Milori (with a sly look): Now whatever gave you that idea?

_Queen Clarion can be heard off camera laughing._

* * *

_Tinker Bell follows Sled to the library where The Keeper is found. Once Sled leaves she enters and starts to slide around on the ice and nearly slips into the maw of a yawning Lynx._

Tinker Bell: Nice kitty. Maybe I have some Friskies Treats?

Director Peggy Holmes: Cut!

* * *

_When Tinker Bell and Periwinkle meet for the first time, The Keeper shows them that they are twins. He takes them to the snowflake at the center of the room which rises from the floor. But first… _

Ride Attendant (wearing a shirt that reads "Welcome to Walt Disney World"): Tickets please.

_He collects their tickets and informs them…_

Ride Attendant: For your own safety you must wear your seatbelt and keep your head, hands and feet inside the ride at all times. Also, any person with a weak heart or women who are pregnant should not ride this attraction. Thank you.

_He then gives each of them a complimentary Mickey Mouse hat with ears._

Tinker Bell: Wow, sounds like a scary ride.

Periwinkle: Nah, after the lawsuit it got heavily neutered.

Tinker Bell (dejected): Oh. Can we visit Space Mountain after this?

Periwinkle (excitedly): I thought you would never ask!

* * *

_Not shown in the film but:_

_When Tinker Bell first arrives in the Winter Woods she has trouble standing on the ice. After she meets her sister, she can walk just fine. This should explain it._

Periwinkle: Here (she hands Tinker Bell two foot shaped pads)

Tinker Bell: What are they?

Periwinkle: Non-slip pads for walking on ice. We use them to keep us from falling on our backsides all the time.

Tinker Bell: Really?! How do they work?

Periwinkle: Oh, simple. Metal shavings are glued to a pad at a specific angle to act like traction on the ice. They have a mild adhesive so you can wear them around during the day, and then you can just pull them off at night and put them aside until the next morning.

Tinker Bell: Great! Because my bun helps protect my head when I fall down, but not that much.

* * *

_Periwinkle notices Tinker Bell's puffballs on her shoes. _

Periwinkle: I don't believe it. (She removes two nearly identical puffballs from her pocket) I usually just wear them around the house.

_Peri then affixes the puffballs to her shoes without incident._

Tinker Bell (rather irate): Okay, how come she has no problems with hers, but I get stuck to my feet?

_Periwinkle begins to whistle and turns the other way, the look of guilt written all over her face._

* * *

Off Camera:

_Director Peggy Holmes calls over Viola, the Summoner Talent Fairy. She asks her, "Viola, would you kindly inform Queen Clarion that she is needed in makeup. We will be shooting some scenes with her and Lord Milori later this afternoon. I want her ready for her call."_

_"Yes, Director Holmes, right away," Viola replies. She flits off in search of Queen Clarion._

* * *

_When Tinker Bell and Periwinkle explore the Winter Woods the pair strut out from behind either side of a tree trunk acting like mirror images of each other. Tinker Bell is supposed to sink into the snow to her waist and the two share a laugh. But it doesn't go as planned the first time around as the mechanism that is supposed to drop Tinker Bell through the snow malfunctions._

_When Tinker Bell and Periwinkle strut out from behind the tree, Tinker Bell completely disappears into a hole._

Periwinkle (Looking down the dark shaft): Oh no, I lost my sister.

Tinker Bell (from inside the hole): I'm okay.

_Suddenly Tinker Bell is shot out of the hole, straight up to the top of the tree_.

Tinker Bell: AAAAEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIII!

_She lands atop the tree in its highest branches. _

Tinker Bell: Still okay!

Periwinkle (yelling): Tink, you see that volleyball that's stuck up there? Could you knock it loose for us?

Tinker Bell: Really?

Periwinkle: Please?

Tinker Bell: Okay, okay.

_Tinker Bell grunts and strains to reach the volleyball, but she loses her balance, her grip on the branch and her place in the tree._

Tinker Bell: Whoa, whoa, whooooooaaaaaaaa!

_She falls from the treetop and plummets into the snow. Tinker Bell makes a deep indentation when she lands. She sits up feeling woozy. A shadow begins to form around her. She looks up, gulps and holds a little, handmade sign that reads: _"Help!"

_Suddenly a large branch falls on top of her. (Foomp!)_

_…Followed by a grand piano. (Whaannnnnnnnnng!)_

_…And then a 1950's era Buick Roadmaster. (Crash! Followed by sound of honking car horn)_

_…Then a two ton safe. (Crunch! Honking car horn abruptly stops)_

_…Then the Hubble Space Telescope. (Boom!)_

_…Then a Boeing 747. (WHOOOOM!)_

_…Then an aircraft carrier. (BLAAAAAAM!)_

_…Finally, the Starship Enterprise (NCC-1701) (SPOCK! Where… are… we? And… justhowdidwegethere?)_

_Tinker Bell slowly digs her way from under all the debris. She crawls out and is visibly exhausted and shaken._

Periwinkle: Wow, Tink. You got everything out of the tree that was stuck. Except for the volleyball. Could you go back up and get it?

_Tinker Bell gives her sister a "you've got to be kidding" look and then passes out from exhaustion._

* * *

_Viola arrives at the site of the picnic. She finds that the royal couple has left. The summoner then flies to the owl landing site, but Lord Milori has already filmed his scenes here and the queen is nowhere to be found. Then she flies to the library, but his scenes there are also completed. Viola moves on to Lord Milori's private residence surmising the queen and the Lord of Winter may have decided to rest before their next scenes._

* * *

_Tinker Bell and Periwinkle are enjoying a ride on a winter buffalo. They are both sitting on one of the horns as the majestic beast gallops through the snow._

Take 1:

Periwinkle: Are you enjoying the ride, Tinker Bell?

Tinker Bell: Yeah, it's great! (Pulls out a touch screen telephone) I _so_ have to tweet this.

Director Peggy Holmes: CUT! This is supposed to be during the late Victorian Era. They didn't have cell phones much less Twitter! Or the internet!

Take 2:

Periwinkle: Are you enjoying the ride, Tinker Bell?

Tinker Bell: Yeah, it's great. But I have to ask, you only have snow owls, right?

Periwinkle: Yes.

Tinker Bell: Then how do you get these huge animals to the mainland?

Periwinkle: Uhhhhh…

Director Peggy Holmes: CUT!

* * *

_Viola arrives at Lord Milori's private residence. _

_She knocks on the door, but there is no answer. _

_She blows her bugle, still there is no answer._

_Viola finally locates one of Lord Milori's attendants who informs the summoner that the Lord of Winter hasn't been to his home since he left this morning to shoot scenes with the film company. Viola thanks the attendant and leaves for the Pixie Dust Tree._

* * *

_Much of the main cast and crew (minus Queen Clarion and Lord Milori) have assembled at the border. Director Peggy Holmes is addressing them. "Well, we are right on schedule, somehow, so we are going to move ahead in the script and begin filming scenes where Tinker Bell and Periwinkle meet at the border with the Ice Making Machine."_

_Rosetta chirps up with a question, "What about the scenes with Tinker Bell at Periwinkle's home? Or all of us finding out Tinker Bell has a twin sister?"_

_"Yeah, most of my lines are in that one scene alone," Vidia adds._

_"Those are night scenes and we have to wait for nightfall," Director Holmes informs them. "The scenes where you build the snow machine will be set bound and will be filmed later. Now we're burning daylight. Let's go everyone." _

_The cast and crew breakup and prepare for filming the desired scenes. Director Holmes takes her cell phone and places a call to Viola._

_"Viola, where are you? Have you found the queen?"_

_"Not yet, Director Holmes," Viola replies. "The queen and Lord Milori shared a picnic lunch earlier. Later Lord Milori filmed his scenes, but both have since moved on. I've searched every location in the Winter Woods they frequent, however, I have found no further trace of them."_

_"Well keep looking, they didn't just disappear."_

_"Yes, Director. I will contact you when I have news to report."_

_Director Holmes puts her phone away and mumbles to herself, "Where are they?"_

* * *

**So what has happened to everyone's favorite royal couple? Where will they be found? And will Queen Clarion and Lord Milori make it to the border on time to film their scenes together? Tune in next time to find out. **

**Thank you to I Luv Milarion for your wonderful suggestion. This is all a lead in to your idea.**

**Thanks to everyone who has PM'd, favorited or followed. **

**Special thanks to 13Bookworm, esme, YazmineXD, L, Razorwind237 and I Luv Milarion for your reviews.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Since Timothy Dalton voiced the role of Lord Milori in ****_Secret of the Wings_****, I thought I would write up a little James Bond cheat sheet for your reading pleasure. This list is not comprehensive, but it does touch on common tropes, character and movie trademarks, as well as notable villains, sidekicks and Bond girls. Enjoy.**

* * *

**Common character and film trademarks:**

It has been speculated that James Bond was a title, but _Skyfall_ made it clear that James Bond is his real name.

The double-oh in 007 indicates that he is licensed to kill. All double-oh agents are so licensed.

James Bond works for MI6 (pronounced "em, eye, six."), a British intelligence agency.

Bond always introduces himself as "Bond. James Bond."

When drinking he orders a Vodka Martini, "shaken, not stirred."

His weapon of choice is the Walther PPK.

Bond's immediate superior is "M." M is a title given to whomever occupies the office. The best actors to play the role were Bernard Lee and Judi Dench.

M's secretary is Ms. Moneypenny. She and Bond usually engage in sexually charged banter, but the two have never slept together until the character was reintroduced in _Skyfall_.

The quartermaster is "Q." Q is also a title given to whomever occupies the office and is the head of Q Branch. Desmond Llewelyn famously played the role until his death following _The World is Not Enough_. The role was taken over by John Cleese for _Die Another Day_. The character was absent during the reboot films, but has since appeared in _Skyfall_ with a new actor in the role.

The series is often noted for its liberal use of absurd weapons, gadgets and souped up vehicles provided by Q Branch.

James Bond was created by Ian Fleming who was a Naval Intelligence office for Great Britain during World War II. It was this background that helped Fleming create James Bond and the Bond universe.

**Films:**

These are the official James Bond films, which were produced by Albert Broccoli's EON Productions

Sean Connery as Bond

#1. _Dr. No_

#2. _From Russia With Love_

#3. _ Goldfinger_

#4. _Thunderball_

#5. _You Only Live Twice_ (Connery left the series after this film, but returned for entry # 7 and an unofficial entry years later)

#7. _Diamonds Are Forever_

George Lazenby as Bond

#6. _On Her Majesty's Secret Service_ (Lazenby was barely competent as an actor. If Connery had stayed to do this film, it would be regarded as the greatest Bond film of them all, period.)

Roger Moore as Bond

#8. _Live And Let Die_

#9. _The Man With The Golden Gun_

#10. _The Spy Who Loved Me_

#11. _Moonraker_

#12. _For Your Eyes Only_

#13. _Octopussy_

#14. _A View To A Kill_

Timothy Dalton as Bond

#15. _The Living Daylights_

#16. _License To Kill_

Pierce Brosnan as Bond

#17. _Goldeneye_

#18. _Tomorrow Never Dies_

#19. _The World Is Not Enough_

#20. _Die Another Day_

Daniel Craig as Bond

#21. _Casino Royal_e (2006) (There have been two other productions of _Casino Royale_, see below.)

#22. _Quantum Of Solace_

#23. _Skyfall_

Unofficial Entries (not made by Albert Broccoli's EON Productions):

_Casino Royale_ (1954) A made for TV movie

_Casino Royale_ (1967) A spoof featuring David Niven and Woody Allen

_Never Say Never Again_ (Featured Sean Connery) This film was released in 1983 and competed against Roger Moore's _Octopussy_. Essentially a remake of _Thunderball_. Mostly notable as Sean Connery's last appearance as James Bond and for Max Von Sydow playing recurring villain Ernst Blofeld.

* * *

**Notable Bond Girls:**  
Bond girls are a regular part of every film. Many usually wind up in bed with the superspy at some point in the story. A few have become quite famous (or infamous) for having suggestive sounding names.

1) Honey Ryder, _Dr. No_ (played by Ursula Andress). Famous for wiggling out of the sea in a skimpy bikini with a knife and conch shell. Her name didn't hurt, either. Pretty much set the standard for all Bond girls since.

2) Jill Masterson, _Goldfinger_ (played by Shirley Eaton). Famous for dying by being painted head to toe in gold paint.

3) Contessa Teresa Di Vicenzo aka Tracy Bond, _On Her Majesty's Secret Service_ (played by Dianna Rigg). Famous for a) Rigg turning in a great performance bringing depth and warmth to her character, b) Tracy wins the heart of James Bond and marries him, c) (spoiler: She dies at the end of the film, murdered by regular Bond villain, Blofeld)

4) Mary Goodnight, _The Man With The Golden Gun_ (played by Britt Ekland). Notable for her name and that she looked great in a bikini.

5) Anya Amasova, _The Spy Who Loved Me_ (played by Barbara Bach). Famous for being James Bond's equal as a spy and for her KGB code name: Triple-X.

6) Holly Goodhead, _Moonraker_ (played by Lois Chiles). Famous for her last name, what else.

7) Kissy Suzuki, _You Only Live Twice_ (played by Mie Hama). Cute girl, cute name.

8) Plenty O'Toole, _Diamonds Are Forever_ (played by Lana Wood). With a name like "Plenty" that's all you really need.

9) Bambi and Thumper, _Diamonds Are Forever_ (played by Lola Larson and Trina Parks, respectively). Notable for kicking Sean Connery's ass all over the place. Oh, and their names, too.

10) Chew Mee, _The Man With The Golden Gun_ (played by Francoise Therry). Her name says it all.

11) Octopussy, _Octopussy_ (played by Maud Adams). Notable for her name being suggestive and used as the title of the film.

12) May Day, _A View To A Kill_ (played by Grace Jones). Famous for being played by Grace Jones…, and that hair and makeup, yikes! Talk about scary.

13) Kara Milovy, _The Living Daylights_ (played by Maryam d'Abo). Famous for playing opposite Timothy Dalton (I wonder if Queen Clarion knows about her? Lord Milori could in some deep snowdrift.)

14) Lupe Lamora, _License To Kill_ (played by Talisa Sota). Famous for playing Bond Girl opposite Timothy Dalton (Whoa! Two of 'em. Very deep snowdrift.)

15) Xenia Onatopp, _Goldeneye_ (played by Famke Janssen [of _X-Men_ fame]). Notable for her name and for killing men by making love to them and squeezing them to death between her legs.

16) Dr. Christmas Jones, _The World Is Not Enough_ (played by Denise Richards). Famous for Richards not being able to act her way out of a paper bag, but looking incredibly hot in her tight clothing.

17) Elektra King, _The World Is Not Enough_ (played by Sophie Marceau). Famous for her name. And Marceau was an accomplished actress and looked good, too.

18) Dr. Molly Warmflash, _The World Is Not Enough_ (played by Serena Scott Thomas). Notable for her name. Appears briefly at the beginning of the film.

19) Jinx, _Die Another Day_ (played by Halle Barry). Famous for being played by Halle Barry, her name and for recreating Ursula Andress's famous _Dr. No_ scene where she wiggles her way out of the sea.

20) Miranda Frost, _Die Another Day_ (played by Rosamund Pike). Notable for her name.

21) Peaceful Fountains of Desire, _Die Another Day_ (played by Rachel Grant). Notable for her name.

22) Vesper Lynd, _Casino Royale_ (2006) (played by Eva Green). In the James Bond reboot film, which also acts as an origin story, Vesper captures James Bond's heart, but dies at the end in a way that explains why Bond treats women so casually. May be a reference to _On Her Majesty's Secret Service_.

23) Strawberry Fields, _Quantum Of Solace_ (played by Gemma Aterton). Famous for her name. She is killed in the film in a manner that references Tilly Masterson in _Goldfinger_.

And finally…

24) Pussy Galore, _Goldfinger_ (played by Honor Blackman). Famous for being a strong willed female and leader of an all-female flying circus. Although other Bond girls maybe more famous or better received, Pussy Galore's name is memorable for being the single most suggestive double entendre ever given to a Bond Girl. ("Pussy" being a vulgar slang term for a certain part of the female anatomy).

* * *

**Notable Bond Villians / Sidekicks:**  
Some villians are great, some are good and some exist just so that Bond has something to do. Here are the best and most memorable villains and sidekicks.

1) Ernst Stavro Blofeld (appears in several films). Early in the film series Bond faced off against organized spy rings with names like SPECTRE and SMERSH. Blofeld was the leader of SPECTRE and was a recurring antagonist for James Bond. He was played by several actors including Telly Savalas (tv's _Kojak_), Anthony Dawson, Charles Gray and Donald Pleasence. (In the unofficial entry _Never Say Never Again_ starring Sean Connery in his last appearance as James Bond, Max Von Sydow gives the best rendition of the character.)

2) Auric Goldfinger (_Goldfinger_). One of the very best one-off villains. Goldfinger, played by Gert Frobe, set the standard for all Bond villains since. He is especially noted for his famous line. (Goldfinger has Bond tied to a table, a cutting laser is moving closer to the spy. Bond, played by Connery, asks, "Do you expect me to talk?" Goldfinger replies, "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!")

2a) Goldfinger's sidekick was a portly, Asian man named Odd Job. His talent: he flung a bowler hat lined with a metal rim that decapitates people. Scary strong, too.

3) Francisco Scaramanga (_The Man With The Golden Gun_). Played to perfection by Christopher Lee (Saruman in _The Lord of the Rings Trilogy_, Count Dooku in the _Star Wars_ prequels), Scaramanga is a killer who is so good, his contracts are for one million dollars per hit. Now he wants to challenge James Bond.

3b) Nick Nack was Scaramanga's sidekick in the film. Played by Herve Villechaize (tv's _Fantasy Island_), he brings humor and charm to the screen. Nick Nack also plays the two combatants against each other, leaving the viewer wondering which side he is on.

4) Rosa Klebb (_From Russia With Love_). Played by Lotta Lenya, Klebb is a fierce assassin who uses her intelligence, wits and all manner of odd gadgets (including blades that pop out of her shoes and are tipped with poison) to try and kill James Bond.

5) Jaws (_The Spy Who Loved Me_ and _Moonraker_). Played by seven foot Richard Kiel, Jaws was James Bond's most formidable enemy sidekick. Enormous and unrelenting, he possessed terrific brute strength and his regular teeth were replaced with metal teeth designed for biting into and killing his victims (though never shown on screen, presumably he bit into their jugular vein). Jaws was just too much bad guy for James Bond to stop straight up and he often had to rely on wits, or simply avoiding Jaws all together.

6) Sanchez, a drug kingpin (_License To Kill_). Played by Robert Davi, this villain isn't looking for world domination nor is he trying to threaten the superpowers with annihilation. He just wants to corner the drug market. Felix Leiter, James' friend, is hot on Sanchez's trail and is brutally attacked by the drug lord who wants Leiter out of the picture. This leads James Bond to resign MI6 and relentlessly pursue Sanchez in an act of blind vengeance. The film is notable for having a very dark and ominous tone compared to the light and often very campy feel of Roger Moore's films. The villain is the most plausible and Dalton gives a terrific performance of a man coldly determined to avenge the brutal and vicious attack on his friend.

7) Silva (_Skyfall_). Javier Bardem (_No Country For Old Men_) plays one of James Bond's most intelligent and dangerous foes. Silva can think like Bond and anticipates every move Bond and MI6 make. Easily one of the best villains and one of the best films in the series.

8) Max Zorin (_A View To A Kill_). Christopher Walken famously chewed the scenery in this film which delighted both fans of James Bond and Christopher Walken. The film was also notable for having James Bond go mano-a-mano with a blimp while atop the Golden Gate Bridge. No, that's not a typo.

* * *

**I hope you find this cheat sheet interesting and informative. Although it will help with some of the more subtle references in this story, I sincerely hope the fan fiction writers on this site are able to use it to concoct their own Bond references in their stories.**

**I'll have more bloopers and deleted scenes from SECRET OF THE WINGS coming soon.**


	5. Chapter 5

_And now for a word from our sponsor:_

_Sponsor: Sasquatch_

_And we're back._

_(I got that one from an old GARFIELD strip)_

* * *

Off camera:

_Viola, the summoner talent, continued her search for Queen Clarion, which she had now expanded to include Lord Milori. She assumed that they were likely together since they had been spending a good deal of time with each other since the beginning of filming of SECRET OF THE WINGS. In fact, ever since the film crew from Disney had arrived she had noticed a distinct change in the way Queen Clarion had been acting. If Viola were human she might describe her queen as like a hormone crazed teenaged girl. She had occasionally disappeared for long stretches with Lord Milori while the rest of the fairies of Pixie Hollow were busy with the film crews. _

_Viola then had an epiphany. SECRET OF THE WINGS told the story of how Tinker Bell discovered she had a twin sister who lived in the Winter Woods, broke the barrier between the winter and warm seasons and by extension brought Queen Clarion and Lord Milori back together again. The Summoner concluded that perhaps filming the story may have brought back all those old memories for the royal couple which in turn may have been influencing their behavior._

_Her next move was to search more "unconventional" places where the queen and Lord of Winter might be found. So she headed for the Pixie Dust Tree and the queen's private quarters. Lord Milori could cross into the warm season since his wing was already broken, he had nothing else to lose. However, he refrained from crossing to prevent the other winter fairies from becoming jealous or resentful and thus trying to cross themselves. When Disney initially proposed and began filming the first motion picture, though, he did cross over to watch the process. It fascinated him and he seemed oddly familiar with it all. Almost as if he was revisiting old memories. _

_At the tree, Viola knocked on the queen's private bedchamber. However, no one answered. This did not necessarily mean that Queen Clarion and Milori were not in the room. The couple might have been sleeping. She knocked again and even called out to them. Still no reply or response of any sort. Knowing it was improper protocol she went ahead and opened the door. The room was empty. Viola, checked the royal bathroom on the off chance the queen was in her tub. She then went on to search every room in the tree. _

_Having no luck she searched the tea room, the cafeteria and the queen's private library. Viola even went so far as to check the queen's panic room, a secret room where the queen could be protected in the event of a pirate invasion. It was built after the Enchanted Mirror of Incata had been stolen. Only the queen, her ministers, Viola and the royal guard who were charged with protecting the queen were aware of its existence. (Fairy Mary, who was Queen Clarion's closest and most trusted friend, was not trusted with the knowledge of the room.)_

_Viola found no trace of the royal couple. She questioned the queen's own attendants, but as in the Winter Woods, they could offer no help. Viola then decided to search the warm seasons. The Summoner set out to locate every secluded spot that fairy couples used when out on dates. She contacted Director Holmes to update her and then proceeded to search Springtime Square first._

* * *

**And now back to our regularly scheduled bloopers**

Second Unit filming

_In the Frost Forest, Gliss is practicing her talent. She is frosting tree limbs and fern leaves. Spike is lounging around, sitting as though in a recliner. _

Gliss: C'mon, Spike. Practice!

Spike: Practicing.

_As scripted, Spike is supposed to stick her foot out, touch a fern leaf and frost it. _

_Instead she sticks her foot out and touches Gliss, frosting her until the fairy drops into the snow bank below._

Gliss: Spi-ke, I didn't mean practice on me.

_Spike then takes a remote in hand. The frame pulls back to reveal a big screen, LED TV and a microwave oven. She turns on the television, grabs a cold beer, a bowl of microwave popcorn and says…_

Spike: Maybe now I can watch the soccer match in peace.

* * *

Second Unit Filming

_Stunt doubles are used for long shots showing Tinker Bell, Periwinkle, Gliss and Spike tobogganing. They should turn hard left and avoid the cliff. _

_However, one of the toboggans doesn't turn and slides off the cliff into a snow bank below. _

Second Unit Director: Everyone okay?!

_The two stunt doubles, who are replacing Tinker Bell and Periwinkle, respond._

Periwinkle stunt double (in a husky male voice): Yeah.

Tinker Bell stunt double (in a huskier male voice, pulling cigar from his mouth): Yeah.

Second Unit Director (to cameraman): Do you think the Blu-Ray, Hi-Definition image will reveal we're using two fat, hairy guys as stunt doubles for Tinker Bell and Periwinkle?

Cameraman: I think the cheesy wigs, cigar and moustaches are a dead giveaway. Also, Tinker Bell doesn't weight 300 pounds.

Second Unit Director: So you're saying we should look for different stunt doubles.

Cameraman: Probably a good idea.

Second Unit Director: Any suggestions?

Cameraman (sarcastically): Why don't we start with females?

Second Unit Director (thinks it over): That could work.

* * *

Off camera:

_With everyone at the border and Viola searching throughout the warm seasons the royal couple have taken refuge deep inside the Winter Woods. Lord Milori is giving Queen Clarion an ice skating lesson. _

_"Hold me tight," she tells him. "I can barely stand on these skates."_

_Milori is standing immediately behind her, one hand is wrapped around her waist. She grips his arm tightly to keep her balance. His free hand is holding her free hand and keeping it stretched out._

_"Gracefully done, Ree."_

_"Liar," she tells him while laughing._

_Her body twitches side to side, sometimes violently. Her hips constantly shifting left to right as she tries to keep upright. She eventually falls. _

_"Whoop!" Her feet slide out from under her. Milori instantly wraps both of his strong arms around her catching his love and prevents her from landing on the hard ice. He then lifts Clarion to her feet. Milori wants to pull her hand back out into a graceful form, but she resists. Instead she lays her arms over his, keeping them wrapped around her waist._

_"You are doing just fine. Don't give up," he tells her._

_"Don't ever let me go," she replies, her head turned, eyes staring deeply into his._

_"I never will, my dearest love," he replies, his deep voice sounding as reassuring as his arms are strong._

_She smiles, reaches up and the two kiss. "Why don't we just glide around the ice like this for a while?" she suggests._

_"Of course." The two slowly move around the frozen pond wrapped in each other's arms. Queen Clarion gently lays her head on his chest as they do. It is as wonderful a moment the two lovers have shared since being reunited._

* * *

Tinker Bell conspires to bring Periwinkle into the warm seasons

Take 1:

Director Peggy Holmes: Action!

_At the tree root bridge between the Autumn Forest and the Winter Woods all seems quiet. _

_A snowflake and a brightly colored, orange leaf gently float towards the bridge. _

_The leaf lands on the bridge. The snowflake misses and falls into the river below._

Director Peggy Holmes: Cut! Periwinkle, are you okay down there?

Periwinkle: Yeah, I'm fine. The net Clank and Bobble set up is working perfectly.

Tinker Bell (under her breath): Where was that net when I was the one falling off the bridge?

Take 2:

Director Peggy Holmes: Action!

_At the tree root bridge between the Autumn Forest and the Winter Woods all seems quiet. _

_A snowflake and a brightly colored, orange leaf gently float towards the bridge. _

_The leaf and snowflake collide just above the bridge. Tinker Bell and Periwinkle fall onto the tree root and then slide off into the waiting net below._

Director Peggy Holmes: Are you two okay?

Both: Yeah.

Director Peggy Holmes: Let's try it again.

Take 3:

Director Peggy Holmes: Action!

_At the tree root bridge between the Autumn Forest and the Winter Woods all seems quiet. _

_A snowflake and a brightly colored, orange leaf gently float towards the bridge. _

_The snowflake and the leaf land on the tree root bridge. After a moment has passed both Tinker Bell and Periwinkle pop up from under their respective covers. Periwinkle is facing the correct way when she stands up. _

_Tinker Bell, unfortunately, is facing the wrong way. She is facing back towards the Autumn Forest._

Tinker Bell: Peri? Peri, where are you?

Periwinkle: Tinker Bell, I'm behind you.

_Tinker Bell turns around and finds her sister._

Tinker Bell: Oh, there you are.

_The sisters share a laugh as Director Holmes stops recording and begins to reset the scene._

Take 4:

Director Peggy Holmes: Action!

_At the tree root bridge between the Autumn Forest and the Winter Woods all seems quiet. _

_A snowflake and a brightly colored, orange leaf gently float towards the bridge. _

_The leaf lands gently on the bridge, the snowflake misses and falls wide right , into the river below. Tinker Bell jumps out from under her leaf and looks over the side of the bridge._

Tinker Bell: Periwinkle, are you okay?

Periwinkle: Gno! Mby tonkgue ith thtuck thoo thee eyeth. (Translation: No! My tongue is struck to the ice.)

Tinker Bell: What?

Periwinkle: Mby tonkgue ith thtuck thoo thee eyeth!

Tinker Bell (with a smug grin): I can't understand you. I think your tongue is stuck to the ice.

Periwinkle: THCRUU YOU! (Translation: Screw you!)

Tinker Bell (laughing): Okay, okay. I'm coming to help.

* * *

_Viola has searched Springtime Square. She used an ever widening spiral search pattern to cover the entire season. She has also gone to every secluded spot used for dating. The royal couple is nowhere to be found in the spring season, so she moves on to the Summer Meadow._

* * *

**Where will the royal couple end up next? Will Viola ever find them in time to shoot their all-important bridge scene? Will Lord Milori make another James Bond reference? Will there be more bloopers? Will the second unit director ever get a clue?**

**Tune in next time to find out.**

**Thanks to everyone who have been reading, reviewing, PM'ing, favoriting and following. I am most grateful for your loyal readership.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Whew! Finally got this long one posted. Now to get back to my homework and studies. Enjoy!**

* * *

Revealing the snow machine / the ice block

_In the film, when Tinker Bell reveals the snow making machine Periwinkle has her friends Gliss, Sled, Slush and Spike carry in a huge block of ice. When they do they clearly have trouble with the size, weight and mass of the block and bump harmlessly into a low hanging tree branch._

_The first take of this scene didn't go quite like it ended up in the movie._

Tinker Bell (to Periwinkle): Did you bring it?

_Periwinkle summons her friends who are using straps to carry in the huge ice block. _

Spike: Why are we doing this again?

Sled: Okay, careful everyone.

Spike: Watch the branch. Watch the branch! Watch the branch!

_They fly a little too fast and when they bump into the low hanging branch all four get hung up and drop the ice block. Powered by momentum and unhindered by virtue of its smooth surface and low friction the block continues forward. It slides through the snow and onto the bridge._

Gliss: Runaway ice cube!

Tinker Bell: Oh nonononononono!

Bobble: Clankie, we've got to stop that thing.

_Periwinkle flits out of the harm's way, but Tinker Bell and her friends try to stop it. She, Bobble and Clank cannot and the block plows its way across the bridge and into the snow making machine, smashing it into its component parts and forcing the remainder of it off the road. _

Director Peggy Holmes: AAAAAAHHHHHH! NOOOOOO. NO NO NO NO!

_The ice block, with no other obstacles in its way, slides down the pathway through the Autumn Forest and deeper into Pixie Hollow._

Director Peggy Holmes (crying): Oh no-o, the snow maker is destroyed. We can't shoot the scene.

Bobble: Aye, but what about the ice? Aren't we going to do something about it?

Spike: It will melt on its own now that it is in warmer climates.

Gliss: Yeah, and it's not going very fast so it shouldn't hurt anyone. Maybe.

Director Peggy Holmes (still crying): I'm ruined as a director. I'll be stuck doing choreography for the rest of my life.

Tinker Bell: No you won't. That was just a prop. Clank, Bobble and I can bring my original snow maker and we can use that for the movie.

Director Peggy Holmes (hope returning to her voice): Wait. You still have it?

_Tinker Bell nods in the affirmative._

Tinker Bell: Lord Milori destroyed it like it says in the script. But once the ban was lifted, we fished it out and it made it possible for Periwinkle to come and visit the warm side once in a while.

Director Peggy Holmes (excitedly): Well what are you waiting for?! Go get it!

_The three tinker fairies immediately fly off to Tinker's Nook to get the snow maker out of storage._

Director Peggy Holmes (looking up at the sun in the sky): I'm not sure we can get all of the of the day's filming done by sunset. That snow maker better not need repairs or I'll have to scrap this scene and film something else. If only the queen hadn't disappeared. (Then to the winter fairies) Can you make a few small cubes? Enough to fill a glass?

Spike: Sure, why?

Director Peggy Holmes: I need a scotch and soda on the rocks, and make it a double.

* * *

_Along the river where Tinker Bell, Periwinkle and the snow maker will float down stream, Rosetta and the girls are being readied for their upcoming scenes. They do not yet know of the disaster that occurred at the bridge. The girls are talking to Junebug, an animal talent and recent arrival to Pixie Hollow._

Junebug (to Fawn): Look!

_Rosetta, Iridessa, Fawn, Silvermist and Vidia turn around and see a huge block of ice sliding past on the road behind them._

Vidia: Meh!

Junebug: What? Doesn't that seem strange?

Rosetta: Not really.

Junebug: What do you mean "not really?" It's a block of ice. In Spring. Sliding down the road. On its own. Don't you want to know how it got here?

All together (looking at each other with knowing grins): Tinker Bell.

Junebug: Tinker Bell? (pointing to ice block) But that's not normal. What does Tinker Bell have to do with it?

Vidia: Sweetie, with Tinker Bell around, not normal, _is_ normal.

Junebug: It is?

Fawn: Oh yeah! With Tinker Bell something like that always happens around here at least once or twice a season.

Iridessa: Maybe even more.

Junebug: But aren't you worried?

Fawn: Sorry guys, she's new. Junebug, there is no need to panic. It's only when something weird doesn't happen around here for a while that you should start worrying.

Junebug: Why?

Vidia: Because, sweetie, it means that Tink is working on something big, and _that's_ when all hell breaks loose.

Junebug: She can't be that bad? Can she?

Silvermist: She can. You just learn to live with it.

Vidia: Tinker Bell nearly ruined spring for the mainland and almost ushered in a new ice age. Later, she smashed the moonstone that creates the blue pixie dust that revitalizes the Pixie Dust Tree and traveled to a distant island on her own to try to fix it. Then another time, she got captured by humans and our whole society was nearly revealed to all of mankind. And after that she almost killed off the Pixie Dust Tree with her snow machine that created a massive freeze in the warm seasons.

Iridessa: Now we're making movies about those adventures.

Junebug: Wow, that's quite a lot for a fairy who is only one hundred and twenty five years old.

Silvermist: Oh, dewdrop, that was just in her first two years. The real scary stuff didn't happen until later.

Junebug: Hunh!? Later?

Iridessa: Yeah, like the time she nearly sunk all of Never Land.

Fawn: Or the time she got herself stuck on a space station for two years.

Vidia: Or the time she almost got an atomic bomb dropped on us.

Silvermist: Yeah, or the time she started the whole "Y2K" panic.

Rosetta: Or the time she got us stuck in a parallel world and we met alternate versions of ourselves.

Vidia: Yeah, my other self never wore shoes, was in love with a dragon and used PED's.

Iridessa: That's Performance Enhancing Dust.

Fawn: Ha ha! I remember that. Wait, why are we friends with Tinker Bell again?

Junebug: Okay, okay. I may have been born yesterday, but I know when someone is pulling my wings.

_The other girls offer her a grim look. Fawn shakes her head._

Junebug: You aren't kidding?

Silvermist: No. Not a bit.

Junebug (starting to hyperventilate): Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! It seems like every time you turn around she's trying to kill all of you! All of us!

Rosetta: Don't fret, sweetpea, it's not on purpose. Just stick with us and you'll be just fine.

Junebug: Well what should I do?

Fawn: Next week we're going to have our once a season Tinker Bell emergency drill.

Junebug: Emergency drill? What's that? What do I need to do?

Vidia: Grab your survival kit, duck for cover and kiss your ass goodbye.

Rosetta: VIDIA! You're going to scare the poor girl.

Fawn: Too late.

Rosetta: Oh the poor dumplin', she's gone and passed out completely.

Iridessa: I knew it. We shouldn't have joked around with her. Now she's going to be afraid of Tinker Bell and of living in Pixie Hollow.

Fawn: So now what do we do?

Silvermist: We'll think of something. Right girls?

Rosetta, Iridessa, Fawn and Vidia: Right!

Fawn: Okay, Sil? What do we do?

Silvermist: I don't know. I just wanted to pump everyone up.

_The others groan, deflated._

* * *

Second Unit

_The second unit director has just returned with several women in tow…, literally. They are each tied to the other and the lead female is tied to a rope the second unit director is pulling._

Second Unit Director: Everyone just relax, all right? Believe me, if there is one thing this second unit director knows, its women.

_The cameraman looks over the girls._

Cameraman (incredulous): They don't even look like Tinker Bell. Or Periwinkle. Most of them aren't even white! Any idiot can see that Tink and Peri have pale skin. I would think that would be your first clue that their stunt doubles should also be white!

Second Unit Director: That doesn't make sense.

Cameraman: WHAT?!

Attractive Indian Woman (in a refined, precise British accent): May I leave now? I'm needed on the set of my television series.

Cameraman: And who are you?

Attractive Indian Girl: Reshma Shetty.

Cameraman: Who?

Attractive Indian Woman: Reshma Shetty. I star as Divya Katdare on ROYAL PAINS.

Second Unit Director: Never seen it.

Cameraman: You're free to go, ma'am.

Second woman: What about the rest us?

Cameraman: Who is this?

Second Unit Director: Her name is Periwinkle, too.

Second woman: It's Peri Gilpin, moron.

Second Unit Director: I've heard it both ways.

Peri Gilpin: No, you haven't.

Cameraman: I remember you. You're from FRASIER.

Peri Gilpin: Yes, nice to meet a fan. I'd like to go home.

Camerman: Yes, please go home. I'm sorry about the mix up.

Peri Gilpin: Not half as sorry as your director is going to be.

Cameraman (to third woman): And you are?

Third woman: Mercedes Masohn. I'm in the show THE FINDER.

Cameraman: You can go. (to next woman) Raven-Symone? You're black! (to second unit director) She's black!

Raven-Symone: What gave it away?

Cameraman: No offense. But we are looking for stunt doubles for Tinker Bell.

Raven-Symone: I love Tinker Bell. Could I please watch the filming of her movie? I promise not to be a bother?

Cameraman: By all means. Just follow that nice gentleman over there and he will escort you to their current shooting location.

_Raven-Symone and the security agent leave. _

Cameraman: You kidnapped actresses?!

Second Unit Director: Picky, picky, picky.

Cameraman: You are an idiot. How about we start with something simple, find someone who looks like Tinker Bell. Okay?

Second Unit Director: Got it. Looks like Tinker Bell.

**(Note: Raven-Symone is the voice of Iridessa on the US releases.)

* * *

_Viola was frantically searching the summer season utilizing the same search patterns she had in Springtime Square. When searching through a secluded part of Rosetta's gardens, Viola stopped to watch a large block of ice slide down a path through Butterfly Cove. It moved silently with no one or nothing pushing or pulling it along.  
_

_"Tinker Bell," she mumbled to herself. "And I don't even want to know how."_

* * *

_Tinker Bell, Bobble and Clank return with the original snow maker._

Sled: Wow! I forgot how clunky the original looked.

Tinker Bell: Hey! You try building this with buttons and a cheese grater.

Sled: I meant no offense, but the prop looked very modern by comparison. It's like the difference between the original _Star Wars_ and _Episode III: Revenge of the Sith_.

Bobble: I never really cared much for the prequels. The original trilogy was perfect without Lucas writing a back story to it.

Sled: I preferred the _Clone Wars_ tv series.

Gliss: Oh, oh, which one? There were two of them. A hand drawn series and a CGI series.

Sled: CGI.

Spike: I dunno. I thought the hand drawn series was pretty spectacular.

Director Peggy Holmes: DO YOU MIND?! WE _ARE_ TRYING TO FILM A MOVIE HERE!

Tinker Bell: Sorry.

Director Peggy Holmes: Okay. Has Slush finished making another block of ice for us?

Slush (in a mellow voice): Done.

Director Peggy Holmes: Great! Let's get back to places so we can shoot this scene. And can I have another scotch and soda on the rocks? And it make it a double.

**(Note: Matt Lanter, who is the voice of Sled, also provided the voice of Anikan Skywalker in _Star Wars: The Clone Wars_ CGI tv series. This probably explains why he prefers that tv series over the other one.)

* * *

_At the Pixie Dust Tree the four ministers are gathered as they talk about the film. Three are participating, but Snowflake was left out both to make for Lord Milori and because of the cell phone incident during the making of the first TINKER BELL feature._

_"It's just not fair," Snowflake tells the other ministers. "I cannot believe I've been written out. Winter is my season; I should be included in the movie."_

_"Setting up a movie deal with DreamWorks while working on a Disney film probably didn't sit too well the head honchos," Redleaf reminded her. "Jeffrey Katzenberg didn't exactly leave Disney on the best of terms and then he formed DreamWorks to compete against Disney."_

_"Well it's not like I got the job," she said. "I feel like I'm being left out of a huge-"_

_The four stop their conversation to watch as a large block of ice slides past on the pathway by the giant oak tree. It glides along, seemingly under its own power. They watch until it is out of sight._

_"…a huge opportunity," Snowflake continued as if nothing happened. "I want a second chance to show everyone I can be trusted to be loyal to the Disney brand. But I can't do that if they keep shutting me out."_

* * *

_Director Holmes was able to film the bridge scene without further incident. Now she and the rest of the film crew have moved on to a pathway in the Summer Meadow. _

Director Peggy Holmes: Okay, we're going to film a few scenes to use in a musical montage. Places everyone, camera and action!

_Tinker Bell and Periwinkle stroll down the walkway while Clank and Bobble follow behind operating the snow maker. Periwinkle is supposed to flit up into the air and fly a loop. Unfortunately, she takes off and slams her head right into the cone dispersal unit of the snow maker. She collapses on the ground in a heap._

Director Peggy Holmes: MEDIC! AND ANOTHER SCOTCH AND SODA ON THE ROCKS!

Tinker Bell: PERIWINKLE! ARE YOU OKAY?!

Periwinkle (gripping her head tightly with her arms): Gnaw!

Clank: What did she say?

Bobble: I think she said "no."

Tinker Bell: Peri, say something! Say anything!

Periwinkle (slurred): Just five more minutes, mommy.

Tinker Bell: Wow, she really did bang her head. She doesn't have a mother. Wait? Peri, is there something you aren't telling me? Do I owe some woman one hundred and twenty five years worth of back Mother's Day gifts?

* * *

_Queen Clarion and Lord Milori are perched atop his owl. The ice skating lesson has ended and the two are now enjoying some iced chamomile tea._

_"I was thinking about another Bond Girl name you might enjoy," he told her._

_"Why are you still trying to refer to me by that crass name?" she rebuked. "You do know what it means?"_

_"Yes, it means 'cat,'" he answered with a grin._

_"Yes, but the context in which it is used in Goldfinger is vulgar and degrading," she said with a stern look. _

_Milori chuckled as he sipped his tea._

_"You're teasing me aren't you?" Clarion deduced. "You're teasing me with that disgusting name."_

_"Well maybe a little," Milori laughed._

_"Fine, this date is over. You can take me back to the Pixie Dust Tree at your earliest convenience, Sir."_

_"My apologies, dear." He leaned over to kiss her, but she pulled away putting her hand up to his face effectively blocking him. Milori knew she was teasing him back._

_"Well, actually I was thinking about a Bond Girl from You Only Live Twice."_

_"I don't want to hear it." _

_"When Bond fakes his own death he hides out at a martial arts training facility and pretends to marry this adorable Asian girl. But for the life of me I cannot remember her name."_

_"Humph!"_

_"It's on the tip of my tongue," he said. "It was something Suzuki. It started with a 'K.' Kimmy, Kitty, Kiffy…"_

_"Kissy," she corrected him. Milori took Clarion's lovely face into his hands leaned in and kissed her gently._

_"I cannot believe I fluttered right into that one. Do you plan on trying to kiss me every time I mention that name?"_

_"What name was it again?"_

_"Kissy!" He kissed her again, this time longingly. When their lips separated their faces never parted more than an inch. Both were now breathless with anticipation. _

_"Are you still angry with me?" he asked her._

_"We shall see."_

_"Do you like that name?" he asked her._

_"What name?" she asked, turning the tables on him._

_"Kissy." She kissed him, deeply._

* * *

**Okay, so Peri nearly killed herself by accident, the girls have pranked newcomer Junebug with fake horror stories about Tinker Bell (or are they fake? mwah hah hah), there is a giant block of ice running a muck (okay so it's sliding harmlessly, _but it's still a muck_), the Second Unit Director still doesn't have a clue, Director Peggy Holmes is loving those scotch and sodas a bit too much, Viola is still looking and Queen Clarion and Lord Milori are playing kissing games to James Bond references.**_  
_

**Oh, and this chapter may have revealed hints to a dark and potentially terrifying secret about one of our heroes. Which is it? And what is the secret? How will it affect the others around him or her? **

**What will happen next? Keep tabs to find out.**


	7. Chapter 7

**No bloopers today, just crazy off screen hijinks and a little more of Queen Clarion and Lord Milori.**

**BTW, I don't know if anyone noticed, but in the previous chapter, when Vidia describes her alternate self, it is a reference to how Vidia is portrayed in the books. (This, after all, does occur in the movie-verse)**

* * *

Milori had directed his owl to fly low and slow through the thickest forests of the Winter Woods. He was taking his lady love, Queen Clarion, to his own private residence via the back entrance. It was through this rarely used doorway that the two could gain entry to the castle without being noticed. Secret panels and moving walls would allow the couple to make their way to his bedchamber quietly. Rare was the opportunity for these two royal leaders to have any extended private time together and they were going to make the most of the moment.

When the owl landed Milori dismounted first, then gently took the lovely queen by the waist and lowered her to the ground. Clarion could have flittered down if she wanted, but she enjoyed how he treated her. His gestures towards her were always chivalrous and full of love and devotion. Clarion was not about to make snide remarks or degrade his manners with cheap insults as had become the practice in some quarters of the mainland. However, she was not above a little teasing at Milori's expense.

"Tell me, my dear," Milori said to her, "who is your favorite James Bond?"

"Sean Connery, of course," she replied without missing a beat.

Milori looked hurt. Then muttered, "He's everyone's favorite."

* * *

Periwinkle was lying on a bed in a refrigerated truck. Tinker Bell, dressed in a winter coat, was holding a cold compress against her sister's head. The two were having a rather animated conversation.

"Tink, I swear we don't have a mother" she told the tinker fairy. "At least not in the traditional human sense."

"Are you sure?" Tinker Bell asked again. "Because I don't want find out that I've missed knowing my mother for one hundred and twenty five years. Bad enough I never got to know you from the very beginning."

"Oh, that's sweet," Periwinkle replied. "But I'm sure. We don't have a mother."

"Whew! That's a load off my mind," Tink responded. "And my back account."

Periwinkle give Tinker Bell a look that said "what?"

"You know what I mean," Tinker Bell said.

Periwinkle chuckled. "Yeah. I know what you mean. I just hope Mom understands."

"WHAT?!"

"Ha, ha, I'm kidding, kid…, ow, my head."

* * *

"Uh, Ms. Holmes?" an assistant said to the film's director.

"What is it?" she replied, holding out an empty glass, indicating another scotch and soda on the rocks.

"We have a visitor who wants to watch the filming of the movie."

"Tell him to go away."

"Actually, it's a 'her,'" the assistant said. "It's Raven-Symone from the Disney Channel."

Director Holmes eyes suddenly grew wide with stark terror. "Oh crap. Lasseter is spying on me."

* * *

The second unit director returned with a young woman whom he thought would please the cameraman. A woman who, as he saw it, looked like Tinker Bell. She had blonde hair, was young looking and best of all was not a high profile actress.

"Well, here she is," the second unit director announced, "our little Miss Tinker Bell."

The cameraman turned around and spit out his coffee. "YOU BROUGHT ME BRITNEY SPEARS?! ARE YOU INSANE?!"

"Well she is what you asked for, she looks like Tinker Bell," the second unit director replied. "She's young, sweet and innocent."

"Young? Yes. Sweet and innocent? Not on your life!" the cameraman replied. "Do you know what she's famous for?"

"Not really. I don't even know who Britney Spears is."

"Are you for real?" Britney asked.

"She is famous for, among other things, trolling around in incredibly short skirts without, and here is the key point here, WITHOUT ANY UNDERWEAR!"

"Oh, now I remember you. Faces elude me, but I never forget a-"

"STOP! Don't even go there," the cameraman demanded. "Do you know how much trouble we will get into for hiring Britney Spears to be Tinker Bell's stunt double?"

"You said I was going to play Tinker Bell, not be a stunt double," Britney complained.

"AAAHHHHH! The scandal that would erupt from it all," the cameraman said, looking terror stricken. "Tinker Bell wears short skirts. Britney Spears doesn't wear underwear with a short skirt. We'll be fired and blacklisted from every reputable production company in Hollywood."

"There's always the porn industry," Britney Spears suggested.

"NOOO! I'm not doing that kind of work! EVER!"

"Well, I'm just sayin'" she added.

"Please, go away!" the cameraman pleaded with the controversial pop diva.

"Hmph, see if I ever work for Disney," Spears said walking away in disgust.

"Soooo…, what was wrong with her again?"

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

"How is Periwinkle doing?" the assistant to Peggy Holmes asked Tinker Bell.

"She's coming along fine, but it would probably best if she didn't fly her loop for a couple of days," Tinker Bell replied. "Why don't we move to the river and shoot those scenes down there. At least then she could sit and rest while we film the sequence."

"Now that sounds like a great idea," the assistant replied. "I'll inform Ms. Holmes immediately."

* * *

Spike was back at her giant sized LED TV again when she saw something most interesting.

"Hey guys, take a look at this," she said, calling to her friends.

The other winter fairies gathered around the television and watched a news report from London, England. The female report, speaking in a common British accent reported that a giant block of ice had just graduated Oxford University with a Ph.D. in cryogenics.

The reporter stated, "According to sources the giant block of ice registered and audited every class at once and passed the exams with the single highest GPA ever in school history. The proctor for the exams said this."

The image switched to an older English man who sported a neatly trimmed beard. He said, "I wasn't sure he could finish the exams in a timely manner, but he was as cool as ice."

The image on screen then showed the block of ice wearing a university graduate's cap and gown. The reporter continued, "It is not yet known what the block of ice will do with his degree, however, the Greater Pub Owners Association of London has already named the block of ice as its man of the year. The giant block of ice was not available for comment."

"Wow! So that's what happened to it," Sled commented.

"Slush, what did you put in that thing?" Spike asked the glacier fairy.

"Ice," he replied coolly.

"Is that supposed to be a joke?" Gliss asked.

"No," Slush replied.

"Because it was a good one," Gliss replied giddily.

* * *

"Everyone, stop what you're doing," Fawn called out to her friends.

"What is it, sugar plumb?" Rosetta asked.

"We have to stop Junebug," Fawn replied. "I just found out she's building a bomb shelter under her house."

"A what?" Silvermist exclaimed.

"A bomb shelter. Our little joke really scared her and now she thinks her life is in mortal danger."

"So she's building a bomb shelter to protect herself from Tink's disasters?" Vidia asked.

"Yes! We have to convince her it was all just a joke," Fawn told the other fairies. "If we don't, she could end up spending her life living underground, too afraid to ever come back out."

"Oh, the poor dear," Rosetta cried. "What do we do?"

"We have to bring her to Tinker Bell," Iridessa suggested.

"What?" they all asked in disbelief.

"You heard me, we have to bring Junebug to Tinker Bell. If they meet and Junebug gets to know her the way we do then she'll learn just how harmless Tink really is."

The other fairies all looked at each other.

"Sounds like a plan," Rosetta said. "Let's get crackin.'"

They all left the river side to find Junebug. Shortly afterwards, the film crew arrived.

"Where are the other fairies?" Peggy Holmes asked frantically. "Where are Iridessa, Vidia, Fawn, Silvermist and Rosetta?! AAAAHHH! This can't be happening to me. First it was Queen Clarion and now it's these other girls. I'll never work in Hollywood every again. Somebody bring me another scotch and soda."

"Do you want it a double?" her assistant asked.

"What do you think?"

* * *

The royal couple had made their way through the secret hallways and hidden panels of the Winter Castle into Lord Milori's private bedchamber. The room was large with tall ceilings and a view of the Winter Woods that also overlooked the warm seasons and the distant Pixie Dust Tree. On the far wall was a fireplace built into the stone works of the castle after the ban had been lifted so that Queen Clarion would always be comfortable should she ever visit.

Milori beckoned his love into a changing room where a thick and fluffy robe awaited her. "You can change into something more comfortable in here. I'll get a fire started and pour us some drinks."

When the queen emerged from the changing room she found Milori wearing a similar robe and holding two glasses of mixed drinks. "Vodka martini," he said handing her the glass. "Shaken, not stirred."

The two sat down in front of the hearth sipping their drinks. Milori leaned over and kissed her tenderly on the forehead. She rested her head against his chest and listened to the rhythm of his heartbeat while the fire roared and crackled filling them both with warmth and love.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review. And thanks to all of my loyal readers, you make my day.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here is more lunacy from Pixie Hollow. (With all apologies to the real Peggy Holmes)**

* * *

"Is she okay?" Raven-Symone asked the assistant to the director. Peggy Holmes had quite a few scotch and sodas on the rocks and was beginning to show it.

"She's fine," the assistant told her. "Filming in Pixie Hollow can be quite stressful. Tinker Bell and her friends love to play jokes on each other and the film crew."

"Typical fairies huh?" Raven-Symone asked.

"Pretty much."

* * *

"Junebug, sweetheart, come out from there," Rosetta beckoned. "We need to talk to you."

"Go away, you're going to get me killed," she yelled from her freshly dug hole in the ground. The hole was just the start. Junebug had planned an elaborate underground lair where she could live and eat and sleep in comfort. It would be even bigger than her one room cottage that had been assigned to her when she first arrived.

"Oh, Junebug, I'm sorry we played that terrible prank on you," Fawn said.

"Prank?"

"Yeah," Silvermist confirmed. "It was just a joke. None of that stuff actually happened."

"Well, most of it, anyway," Vidia mumbled.

"What do you mean 'most of it?'" Junebug asked from under her house.

"What's in the movies actually happened," Iridessa told her. "But the other stuff, like the atomic bomb and sinking Never Land and getting stuck on a space station, we just made that up. We were only kidding."

Junebug hesitantly crawled out of her underground shelter. Rosetta held out her hand to the frightened animal fairy. "So you were just playing a joke on me?"

"Of course, Sugarplum," Rosetta said sweetly. "We do it to each other all the time. It just means we think of you as one of the girls."

Junebug looked over Fawn, Iridessa, Vidia, Silvermist and Rosetta.

"Come out from under your house and allows us to show you how safe it is to live in Pixie Hollow," Iridessa stated. "We want to introduce you to Tinker Bell so you can get to know her."

"Tinker Bell?" Junebug said getting a little nervous again.

"She's harmless," Vidia noted. "Trust us. If she was as dangerous as we made her out to be we would probably all be dead."

"Vidia, no!" Rosetta whispered anxiously.

Junebug's quickly became very nervous. "Yeah? Well maybe you're just the ones lucky enough to survive." The animal fairy turned to duck back into her hole.

"She's running!" Fawn shouted. "Grab her!"

"Let..., me..., go!" Junebug grunted as Fawn and Vidia were pulling the animal talent by the ankles.

"Get back here," Vidia growled as she struggled with the scared fairy. "I'm not going through all of this again."

* * *

Viola had reached the end of her search and she found no further sign of Queen Clarion or Lord Milori. She had no choice, but call and inform Peggy Holmes that she had failed.

"I'm sorry, Director Holmes," Viola said quietly into her cell phone.

"No. No, you can't be sorry. You can't give up," Peggy told the summoner talent over the phone with an agitated and anxiety filled voice. "You have to find them. You have to find the queen. You have to find Rosetta and Iridessa and Vidia. You have to find who shot JFK and what happened to Amelia Earhart and find out why in God's name anyone would listen to David Hasselfhoff sing. And while you're at it, look for my career, you'll probably find it in the crapper! Literally."

"Ms. Holmes? Are you okay?" Viola asked.

"No! I need another scotch and soda on the rocks. Find the bartender and get me another damn drink! And make it a double. And without the soda." Director Holmes hung up.

"I have to keep looking," Viola told herself. That is when she heard a commotion nearby. It sounded like Fawn yelling, "grab her!" Viola went to investigate. Wherever Fawn was Iridessa, Vidia, Rosetta and Silvermist usually weren't far behind. Perhaps if she could return these girls to Ms. Holmes it would calm the film maker down.

* * *

"Can you not understand," the cameraman told the second unit director, "or do you just not care to understand?"

"Uhhh..., what was the question, again?"

"How did you get to be a second unit director?"

"I just walked up and said 'I want to be a second unit director,'" the second unit director replied.

The cameraman stood bug eyed stunned. "Guh. Uug. Gek. Kak."

"There he is, Kronk," came an unpleasant female voice. The cameraman nearly screamed in fright when he saw a scrawny, emaciated looking woman with oversized eyelashes who could generously be described as "scary beyond all reason."

"What are you doing?" a huge, muscular man asked the second unit director.

"I'm working," the director stated in reply. "I've been trying to find stunt doubles for Tinker Bell and Periwinkle."

"No, you're not working," the scary woman said tersely, "if you were, you would be in the kitchen making food for the cast and crew."

"Wh-, who are you?" the cameraman asked the scary looking woman.

"My name is Yzma, of Yzma's Craft Services and this is my Executive Chef Kronk," she said, introducing herself and the enormously large and muscular man with a rather dimwitted look on his face.

"Aren't you from _The Emperor's New Groove_?" the cameraman asked, appearing highly confused.

"Yes. Yes I am," Yzma replied. "When the _New Groove_ franchise came to an end I kept trying to get rid of Kuzco and take over his kingdom. He kept turning me into a cat. So I changed careers and started my own Craft Services business and now I work exclusively for the Walt Disney Company."

"Yeah, it's amazing how much money we're raking in," Kronk admitted. "We provide food for every film Disney makes, all the Disney Channel shows, every ABC and ABC Family television series and even all the ESPN channels." Kronk then leaned in close to the cameraman and whispered, "We even get tickets to the Super Bowl whenever it's broadcast on ABC."

"Yes, yes," Yzma continued. "And when I earn enough money I'LL BUY KUZCO'S EMPIRE,KICK HIM OUT AND MAKE IT MY OWN! AH HAH HAH HAH!" Yzma suddenly stopped laughing, her face stricken with a sick realization. "Ooops, did I say that out loud?"

"Hey, I thought we were doing this for the love of the food?" Kronk protested.

"Later, Kronk," she hand-waved. But Kronk clearly looked hurt. His lips scrunched into a frown, his brow furrowed and his eyes began to tear up.

"Oh, alright, alright," Yzma said with concession in her voice. "If you let me take over Kuzco's empire you can try your new puff pastry recipe."

"Yay!" the hulking mad said, jumping up and down and clapping his hands with delight.

"Fine, now on to the matter at hand," Yzma continued. "This is our sandwich maker. Excuse me, 'former' sandwich maker. Now what do you think you're doing, Mr., ah? What is your name again?"

"Second Unit Director," he replied.

"You're not a second unit director," the cameraman said, his voice filled with anger. He had spent the better part of the day wasting precious time with this sandwich maker, er, make that "former" sandwich maker, who was playing at being a second unit director for a major feature film.

"Of course I am," the former sandwich maker said. "I'm just aspiring to my namesake."

"Your what?" the cameraman asked.

"You will have to excuse him," Yzma apologized. "He was an extra on the set of _The Emperor's New Groove_ and we hired him on because he was good with cold cuts. Apparently, he caught the directing bug and hijacked your movie to live out his insane fantasy. Now what his your name again?"

"I told you already, Second Unit Director."

Yzma looked flabbergasted. "Kronk, get his application and find out this dolt's real name."

Kronk opened an app on his iPad and found the man's digital application. "Second Unit Director," Kronk answered.

Yzma turned and gave Kronk a terrible look. "I don't want his fantasy job, I want his name!" she cried out at him.

"That is his real name. See?" He turned the tablet computer around so Yzma could read it.

"Last Name: Director. First Name: Second. Middle Name: Unit." She got a strange look on her face. She had to reread the application a second time, and then a third. "What idiot names their kid Second Unit Director?!" she shouted.

"My mother, Doctor Director," Second Unit Director said. "She was in a few episodes of _Kim Possible_."

"Uh, stupid question," Kronk announced.

"Then don't ask it," Yzma told him. He asked anyway.

"Why did your mother call you 'Second' instead of 'First?'"

"You just never listen do you, Kronk?" Yzma growled.

"I have an older brother," Second Unit Director replied. "His name is First Unit Director. Mom always like him best. But I'll show him. I'll show them both. I can be better than that no talent hack." Now everyone began to get funny looks on their faces as they listened to Second Unit Director rant and rave.

Suddenly, Second Unit Director broke down and began to cry. "Okay, I'll never be able to prove I'm better than my older brother. I'm the no talent hack in the family. I'm the one who is always failing to live up to expectations," he wailed. "I couldn't even hire a decent stunt double for Tinker Bell and Periwinkle. I'm a failure as a movie maker."

Second Unit Director than opened his cell phone and called..., his mother. "Mommy? Mommy, can I come home? What? No, I couldn't do it. I tried, mommy. I tried as hard as I could." Second Unit Director began to cry and suck on his thumb as he listened to the phone. "Okay, mommy. I'll see you soon. Bye."

He then turned to the cameraman, Yzma and Kronk. "Mommy's coming to pick me up. Everything's going to be all better now. Bye!" Second Unit Director turned and happily bounded away towards an open area of snow. Moments later a hovercraft arrived and spirited Second Unit Director to his mommy.

"What the hell was that?" Yzma asked no one in particular.

"I'm going home now," the cameraman announced rather abruptly and then left.

Kronk then became very excited, even dancing and bouncing around in the snow. "Hey, Yzma, can I be the second unit director on his film? You can be the camerawoman?"

Yzma's eyes narrowed and her blood began to boil. "No, Kronk," she said, trying to keep as calm as possible. "We have people to feed, food to make, an Incan Empire to conquer and another sandwich maker to hire."

"What about that Britney Spears girl that was here earlier?"

"WHAT?! We can't hire her, she doesn't like to wear underwear. She's a walking health code violation," Yzma informed him. "Now let's go, you have a puff pastry recipe to try out."

"OH YEAH! MMM..., PUFF PASTRY," Kronk said dancing behind Yzma as they walked away.

* * *

"This is getting ridiculous," Spike said as she watched the events unfold on her massive LCD television. The giant block of ice had quickly made its way to the United States and had become both the eye of a storm of political machinations and the center of a great deal of pop culture publicity.

The giant block of ice became a hot button issue as politicians on both sides of aisle began to debate what to do about it. Republicans argued it was in the country illegally and wanted it deported to its country of origin immediately. Democrats wanted to extend honorary citizenship and all the tax payer subsidized government entitlements possible to the block of ice in exchange for voting democrat in every voting district in the country.

"I am so glad we don't have politicians," Sled stated.

"Sshh, there's more," Spike told them.

Protestors immediately took the streets protesting everything from Congress to the President to the block of ice to other protestors. "By the smell of things," one reporter commented, "they are also all protesting soap." In one strange case, one protester protested himself for protesting and succeeded in having himself removed from the street as he shouted obscenities to himself for being a corporate sellout and, alternately, a liberal communist. He then started to beat himself up before police broke up the scuffle and arrested the man for being a twit.

Elsewhere, another woman had her own take on the block of ice. "It's the spirit of Elvis and he's here to take us all to Graceland. EEEEEEEEEE!" she shouted with unbridled glee.

"Is it me, or are people in the United States weird?" Gliss suggested.

"Compared to what?" Sled countered. "The people on the mainland can be pretty weird, too."

"No, it's completely different," Gliss said.

"How?"

"People on the mainland have a British accent."

"How does that make it different?"

"They at least sound intelligent when they act weird."

"You're weird," Sled countered.

"You are all weird," Spike yelled. "Now quiet down I'm listening."

Meanwhile, billionaire Donald Trump invited the giant block of ice to be a contestant on the upcoming season of Trump's tv show _The Apprentice_. This started a bidding war among the networks as each tried to secure the services of the block of ice to one of many reality tv shows including _Dancing With the Stars, The Voice, American Idol, Big Brother, The Amazing Race, Survivor_ and the celebrity edition of _Watching Paint Dry_.

Concurrently, the Los Angles Lakers announced that they want to sign the giant block of ice to a lucrative NBA contract as the team's new starting center. The head coach announced that the giant block of ice would be even better than Shaquille O'Neal. Shaq tweeted that the Lakers coach was "better than that."

Not to be outdone, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones offered the giant block of ice an even more lucrative contract to be starting defensive nose tackle for the football team. "If he can play half a season, suffer a major injury and spend the rest of his career on Injured Reserve freezing up huge chunks of money that could have been spent on better players, then I've done my job," he told ESPN.

"I hate the Dallas Cowboys," Spike announced.

"You don't even like American Football," Sled commented.

"So, that doesn't mean I can't hate the Cowboys anyway."

"Ooh, ooh, try that with a British accent," Gliss suggested. "See if it makes you sound intelligent when you say something that stupid."

Spike immediately responded by frosting Gliss again and then switched back to her soccer match. "Finally, some peace and quiet."

* * *

Lord Milori was nibbling on Queen Clarion's ear. He then kissed the nape of her neck and lightly slid his fingers up and down her arm. A moan of unquestionable ecstasy escaped her lips.

Suddenly Queen Clarion sat bolt upright.

"What's wrong, dear?" Lord Milori asked.

"I feel something has gone wrong," she replied. "Like a great disturbance in the Pixie Dust. I think something terrible has happened in Pixie Hollow with the filming of this movie. Perhaps we should check on Peggy and the fairies. Just to be sure."

"Darling, you get that odd feeling in the pit of your stomach every time we film a movie here," Lord Milori said in a soothing voice. "And each time nothing has gone wrong. Now stop worrying. Our fairies are responsible and trustworthy."

The queen sighed. She smiled at her lover, leaned over and kissed him on the lips. "You are right. I'm worrying for nothing." She laid back down into his lap and he resumed pleasuring her.

* * *

**If only they knew.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, so this chapter I finally get back to the bloopers. Enjoy.**

* * *

Holed up inside of the Winter Castle, Lord Milori and Queen Clarion, dressed in robes, were dancing to vibrant and romantic music provided by Milori's iPod. The two lovers bounded through the room in each other's arms. Milori spun the queen around, fluttering her robe; then dipped her and kissed her on the lips.

Milori took a rose, placed it in his mouth and they began to dance the Tango.

* * *

"I've found them," Viola announced to Peggy Holmes, who was a bit inebriated, but still functional.

"You've found Queen Clarion and Lord Milori? You did it!" Mr. Holmes cheered.

Viola stopped at the water's edge. "No, director, I found Iridessa, Rosetta, Vidia, Silvermist and Fawn." The summoner fairy drew back the blades of grass and the fairies walked out. Only they were struggling with another fairy, Junebug. Every single one of the fairies was covered in dirt and mud and at least two of them, Fawn and Vidia, were scratched up and had smears of blood on them.

"Let me go!" Junebug continued to howl. "Get your hands off of me!"

"It's for your own good," Fawn told her angry guild mate. "We want you to get to know Tinker Bell personally so you won't be afraid anymore. Trust us, we are her closest friends."

"Her closest friends? Or did you just move up the ladder when she wiped out the other ones?" Junebug barked.

"Now, see, that is exactly what we are talkin' about," Rosetta said. "You're all nervous over nothin' and it ain't healthy for a fairy to be like that. Especially an animal fairy, you need to be out and about with the rest of us."

Peggy Holmes stood with disappointment painted across her face, but after a moment found a bit of solace in that she could restart filming. "Well, at least it's something. Wait, what happened to all of you?"

"It's a long story," Silvermist told the film director.

"Enlighten me," Holmes replied.

* * *

The giant block of ice from the Winter Woods had become an instant pop culture sensation on the internet. Dozens of fake Facebook pages popped up claiming to be the actual block of ice. They all had numerous Photoshopped images showing the giant block of ice at places such as:

-The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York City

-The Alamo in San Antonio

-Crossing the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco

-Riding a donkey down into the Grand Canyon

-Fighting Godzilla in Tokyo

-Taking photographs of the Taj Mahal in Agra

-Visiting "relatives" in Siberia

-At the Forbidden City in Beijing

-Taking in a performance at the Sydney Opera House

-Paying its respects at the Arizona Memorial in Pearl Harbor

-Crossing the Sahara Desert on camelback

-Swatting down planes from atop the Empire State Building

-Hitting the night clubs in Los Angles with the likes of Ice-T and Ice Cube

-Hanging out with Hugh Hefner at the Playboy Mansion

-Kissing baby ice cube trays while running for U.S. President

-Winning a gold medal at the Olympics

-Cycling in the Tour de France

-Appearing as Mr. Freeze's henchman in the campy film BATMAN AND ROBIN

-Skiing down the slopes of the Swiss Alps with some snow bunnies

-Admiring the view from the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

-Chasing Indiana Jones through the cave from the opening scene in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK

"When asked about the bogus photographs," said one news reporter, "the block of ice simply gave me the cold shoulder."

* * *

"So Junebug is afraid of me?" Tinker Bell asked. She and Periwinkle had exited the refrigerated truck once the frost fairy declared she had recovered from her head injury. They had listened intently to Iridessa's story and when the light talent finished Peri spoke up.

"Oh no, Junebug, Tink is easy to get along with," she told the frightened youngster. "I'm her sister and I can tell you she isn't the walking disaster you think she is."

"Yeah, that's right." Tinker Bell said in agreement. "Oh, by the way," she said to her friends with an unpleasant glare, "remind me to thank you later."

"Hey, is that Raven-Symone?" Iridessa asked, star struck.

"Uh, yes, why?" an assistant replied.

"Because I'm a huge fan of hers. Can I say 'hi,' please?"

"I'll ask," the assistant replied.

"Viola," Peggy Holmes said to the summoner fairy, "where are the queen and Lord Milori?"

"I haven't found them yet," the summoner replied. "But I will keep looking, they may have moved somewhere that I had already looked. I'll double back and check everywhere again."

"Good, keep looking, I can't afford to fall behind schedule anymore," Peggy said. "Now if only this damn headache would go away. Cancel that last order of scotch and soda and just get me a pot of black coffee."

"I will have Craft Services prepare one for you," Viola said before leaving to retrace her steps.

"Thank you," Peggy told the summoner as the fairy lit off. "Okay, Vidia, Fawn, Rosetta, Iridessa, Silvermist to your make up chairs and get cleaned up and ready for your scene at the river. Tinker Bell, Clank, Bobble and Periwinkle get your machine on the water let's get this film back on track.

"Yes, Ms. Holmes," Clank said saluting.

"Clank, you don't salute," Bobble told his friend, "she isn't in the military."

"Sorry, Bobble, she was just so forceful in her commands that I felt I needed to," Clank replied.

* * *

In the Winter Woods Sled and Gliss left Spike to her soccer match and the two retreated to Sled's home where he helped Gliss clean off the last of the frost Spike had put on her to shut her up.

"Where does she get off doing that?" Gliss complained. "We're friends, it doesn't make sense."

"Well, she is a huge soccer fan. And ever since she got that big screen LED TV and ESPN UK in Hi Definition Spike has been a changed person."

Gliss sighed in defeat, "Yeah, I know. She's obsessed with that sport these days. It's like I lost my best friend."

"Don't worry," Sled told her, "when the soccer season ends she'll be your best friend again."

Gliss settled into Sled's chair and slid down into it. She looked up at the ceiling and saw another new Tie Fighter model hanging from the ceiling. "Does Rosetta know you're a STAR WARS fanatic?"

"No, and you are not going to tell her," Sled told her firmly.

"How do you keep it from her?" Gliss asked. "She's here all the time."

"Not all the time," Sled corrected. "But the border frost fairies let me know whenever she comes across unannounced so I can put everything away." He showed Gliss how he takes down all of the models and action figures in less than two minutes and puts them away in a secret compartment behind his dresser. Then he turned around all of his STAR WARS posters revealing on the opposite sides paintings of flowers that Rosetta grew in her gardens.

"Wow, you have that down to a science," Gliss said with admiration. "She'll never find out. So why can't she find out?"

"Because she is a 'proper' garden fairy and won't be caught dead with a sci-fi geek. Or any other kind of geek for that matter," he explained.

"But you two are married, she won't leave you because you like STAR WARS. Would she?"

"No, she won't leave me," Sled replied. "She'll _kill_ me."

* * *

The director's assistant, quietly walked up to Iridessa who was in her make up chair getting cleaned and readied for the scene on the river. "Excuse me, Iridessa," the assistant said meekly. "There is someone here who wants to meet you. She's a big fan."

"Show her in," the light fairy said. The visitor walked up to the light talent fairy who jumped out of her chair and was just as star struck as her admirer.

"Raven-Symone? You're my fan?!"

"Yes, I'm a huge fan of yours," the actress replied.

"Oh…, my…, gosh! We'll I'm a huge fan of yours." Iridessa stated excitedly. "I remember you from THE COSBY SHOW. You must have been, what?"

"Three years old," Raven-Symone told her.

"Wow, you were only three? You were so good for only being three," Iridessa gushed. "And you were so awesome in THAT'S SO RAVEN on The Disney Channel. I never missed an episode."

The actress blushed, "Thanks. But I'm the one who should be gushing. You're a wonderfully talented actress yourself, Iridessa. I love watching the TINKER BELL movies and I can't believe I'm actually here. With you. I-I, I don't know what to say. Wait, yes I do."

"Can I have your autograph?" the two blurted out together.

"Yes!" they told each other at the same time. "EEEEEEEE!"

"What is going on over there?" Silvermist asked.

"I don't know, but it sounds like Iridessa found her long, lost sister, too," Vidia said with a laugh.

* * *

"Are you girls ready?" Peggy asked the fairies.

"Yes, ma'am, we are," Rosetta said waving her arm.

"Okay, let's get the camera rolling. Places everyone and ACTION!"

* * *

Down the river

Take 1

_Tinker Bell and Periwinkle are floating down the river on a boat while Bobble and Clank operate the snow making machine. Periwinkle, who was so curious about "melted ice" or water, ran her hands through the wet stuff. She was so taken by it until a massive shark popped its head out before turning and slipping back under._

_Periwinkle jumped back in sheer terror._

Periwinkle: You're gonna need a bigger boat!

_Tinker Bell was snickering._

Periwinkle: What's so funny?

Tinker Bell: That was Bruce.

_Periwinkle looked at her sister confused._

Tinker Bell: Bruce. The mechanical shark from JAWS.

Periwinkle (with a glare): I knew it was fake all along.

Tinker Bell (still laughing): _Sure_ you did.

* * *

Operation Periwinkle

Take 2

_Tinker Bell and Periwinkle are floating down the river. Tink gives a signal to her friends who are hiding behind the leaves along the shore._

_Silvermist flies low over the water and with her magic pulls the water into a tube up and over the boat holding it together just above Periwinkle's head where fish swim to Peri's delight._

_Just at that moment, in the Winter Woods, Spike is watching a soccer match when her favorite team scores and she screams fanatically at the top of her lungs. It can be heard all throughout Pixie Hollow._

Spike (echoing loudly from a distance): GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOAAAAAAAALLL!

_This surprises and frightens Silvermist so much that she loses her concentration and the airborne water falls onto the boat's occupants drenching Peri and Tink._

Silvermist: Sorry.

Director Peggy Holmes: Okay. Let's reset and do that again.

* * *

At Butterfly Cove

Take 1

_When Tinker Bell and Periwinkle arrive at Butterfly Cove, Fawn gives the signal and the butterflies all take off into the air and swirl about the sisters and the snow making machine. Suddenly they began to swarm the camera._

Butterfly 1: Poor Yorik, I knew him well.

Butterfly 281: I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take anymore!

Butterfly 75: Hey, I'm flying here. Can't you see I'm flying here?

Butterfly 1098: Are _you_ talking to me? Are you_ talking_ to me? Are you talking to_ me_?

Butterfly 862: Auntie Em! Auntie Em!

Butterfly 303 (imitating Marlon Brando): I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse.

Director Peggy Holmes: CUT! Fawn! What the heck is going on?

_Fawn clears the butterflies away from the camera and talks to them._

Fawn (groaning): They all spoke to their agents and were told that if they could show their talent on screen their agents would land them larger roles in other movies. So now they're mugging the camera trying to show off their acting chops.

Director Peggy Holmes (sighing): Where is that black coffee?

* * *

Milori and Clarion had settled into a slow dance, their arms wrapped around each other, their bodies pressed against one another. The two just swayed to the quiet music. Finally, Lord Milori pulled back a bit. He slowly ran his fingers down her robe pulling it apart.

"What are you doing, Milori?" Queen Clarion asked. He didn't answer. Instead, Milori pulled apart her robe and let it fall to the floor. Clarion reached up and kissed him. He responded by picking her up in his arms and carrying her to the bed.

* * *

**Finally, the big secret is out. Sled is a STAR WARS fan and Rosetta wouldn't be seen with him if she ever found out.**

**Wonder what this means for Sled since he happened to mention in to Clank and Bobble and they are with Rosetta and the girls right now. Oops.**

**And will Viola ever find the royal couple? (Well, let's hope not at this very second. That could leave lasting psychological scars for Viola.)  
**

**Tune in next time to find out what happens next.**

**Thank you to everyone who has been reading. Please read and review. I always love hearing from the readers.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A new chapter in the ongoing saga of Milori and Clarion. Milarion fans get your hankies out.**

* * *

At Butterfly Cove

_Director Peggy Holmes reorganizes the butterflies and films the scene correctly. Tinker Bell and her friends properly greet Periwinkle where the butterflies flutter, flitter and dance around to an awestruck frost fairy. Everything goes off without a hitch, except that in the background, if you look very closely, one of the butterflies looks into the camera, waves and says, "Hi, Mom!"_

Rosetta (speaking slowly): My name is Ro-se-tta.

Vidia: Ro, she's not from the moon. Humans have been there. They've checked.

Director Peggy Holmes: Cut!

* * *

Presentation of the Flower Blossom

Take 1

_Rosetta presents Periwinkle with a flower_

Rosetta: Oh, this is called a periwinkle, too.

Periwinkle (taking the flower): Thank you. I'll keep it forever.

_Periwinkle frosts it over with her frost talent. She frosts the blossom in the shape of Darth Vader's head. _

Vidia (her hand over her mouth and in a deep voice) (mimics Darth Vader's heavy breathing): Tinker Bell. I am your father.

Fawn: That would explain a lot.

Vidia: HEY!

Director Peggy Holmes: Cut!

Take 2

_Rosetta presents Periwinkle with a flower_

Rosetta: Oh, this is called a periwinkle, too.

Periwinkle (taking the flower): Thank you. I'll keep it forever.

_Periwinkle frosts it over with her frost talent. She frosts the blossom in the shape of the Pixie Dust Tree. _

Director Peggy Holmes: Cut! Cut!

Take 3

_Periwinkle frosts the flower blossom in the shape of Spock's head._

Vidia: He's got pointed ears, too. I've always wondered if he was a fairy like us.

Tinker Bell: Well, if he is, Spock would probably be a Tinker.

Vidia: Nobody's perfect.

Take 4:

_Periwinkle frosts the flower blossom in the shape of Peggy Holmes' head. All the girls laugh._

Director Peggy Holmes: My nose is not that big!

Take 5:

Periwinkle frosts the flower blossom in the shape of the Big Ben clock tower in London. It even chimes on the hour, every hour.

Tinker Bell: Wow, Peri, you must be part tinker.

Vidia: Ugh, great that's all we need around here. Two of them.

Rosetta: Actually, if Periwinkle is only part tinker then that would be just one and a half.

Vidia: I'm rounding up.

Director Peggy Holmes: CUT! Let's go.

Take 6:

_Periwinkle frosts the flower blossom in the shape of Kermit the Frog. She even starts to mimic the voice as Peri manipulates the Kermit frost Muppet._

Periwinkle (as Kermit): Hi ho, Kermit the Frog here and welcome to the Muppet Show live from Pixie Hollow.

Vidia: Yeah, I'm just not buying it.

Silvermist: Ooh, I love Kermit. Can you frost a Miss Piggy Muppet?

Periwinkle: Sure, here you go, Sil.

_Periwinkle frosts up a Miss Piggy Muppet for Silvermist. The water talent takes the Muppet and begins to manipulate it, even providing a voice._

Silvermist (as Miss Piggy): Oh, Kermy, this is a wonderful place to do the show.

Rosetta: Miss Piggy? How can you like that pop diva? She's nothing more than trailer trash swine who just pretends to be sophisticated. Nothing at all like me.

Silvermist (as Miss Piggy, very angrily): OH YEAH? HI-YAH!

_Silvermist has the Miss Piggy frost Muppet karate chop Rosetta in the gut which sends the garden fairy into the flowers surrounding them with a sickening thud._

Silvermist (gasps): Rosetta! (She drops the frost Muppet and rushes over to her friend to pick her up). Oh, I'm so sorry, I guess I really got into character.

Rosetta (angry): Alright, that's it! I'm makin' bacon tonight!

Vidia: But you're a vegetarian like the rest of us.

Rosetta: I'll feed it to the squirrels, _now where is that pig_?!

Fawn: Ro, Miss Piggy is just frost.

Iridessa: Yeah, it's already starting to melt. See? (She holds up Miss Piggy Muppet and the frost has indeed started the collapse under the heat.)

Rosetta: Heh, well I feel a little silly.

Silvermist: Yeah. Me, too.

Director Peggy Holmes: Let's wrap this up, girls. We're burning daylight.

* * *

The Race to the Border

Periwinkle: I don't feel so good.

_Periwinkle falls to the ground_

Periwinkle: My wings. I can't feel them.

_The snow maker is producing less and less snow and it is no longer cold enough to keep Periwinkle safe in the warm seasons. Tinker Bell has Peri's wings wrapped with ice. Tink's friends push the snow maker as fast as they can while Tinker Bell and Vidia carry Periwinkle over their shoulders. _

_That's when they get pulled over for speeding by two motorcycle cops from the California Highway Patrol, or CHiPs. _

Vidia: You just can't get enough of me, can you, Ponch?

Officer Frank Poncherello: No I can't, sweet cakes.

Officer Jon Baker: Do you girls know how fast you were going?

Officer Frank Poncherello: Fast enough to set off our radar.

Periwinkle: Hello!? Remember me? Frost fairy in crisis over here.

Vidia: Yeah, were kind of in an emergency.

Silvermist: Aren't you two in the wrong show?

Officer Jon Baker: That ended years ago. We got a transfer out here so we could work the last couple of years before retirement.

Iridessa: Wait, if you two are California Highway Patrol then you don't have jurisdiction here in Pixie Hollow.

Officer Frank Poncherello: Special dispensation from your queen.

_Officer Jon Baker fills out a speeding ticket and hands it to Tinker Bell. _

Officer Frank Poncherello: See you tonight, Vidia?

Vidia: In your dreams.

Officer Frank Poncherello: What better place for us to meet. (Two men mount their motorcycles and leave)

Tinker Bell: Wow, this is the first time I've ever gotten a speeding ticket.

Vidia: I've gotten dozens of them. No big.

Periwinkle (who is lying on the ground, weak): Hey, could we please get back to the Winter Woods before I melt?

Tinker Bell: Sorry.

* * *

Peggy Holmes dials her cell phone to contact Viola. "Any luck finding the royal couple, Viola?"

"Not yet, director Holmes," she tells the frazzled film maker. "I've back tracked through the Winter Woods to all the places they told me they were going to visit on their date. But they haven't turned up yet."

Peggy Holmes sighed. "Okay, this is what I'm going to do. Having just one fairy look for the two of them in this large area simply isn't enough. Round up whatever fairies you can over there and set them out to looking for Clarion and Milori. I'm going to get the fairies over here to look for them in the warm seasons. Maybe with all the extra eyes and ears we can find them. It's time for them to film their scene at the border and there's no sign of them."

"Understood, director Holmes," Viola replied.

"Can we help?" Tinker Bell asked of director Holmes.

"Yeah, Tink and I can help search the Winter Woods with the other frost fairies," Periwinkle added.

"Viola," she said speaking into her phone again. "I'm going to send Tinker Bell and Periwinkle into the cold season. Where should they start?"

There was silence from the other end of the line. "Viola?"

"Have them start at Lord Milori's private residence," the summoner replied. "I'll have the other winter fairies begin in the Frost Forest and Glacier Pass."

"Understood," director Holmes responded. "I'm sending them over right now."

Peggy returned her cell phone to its holster on her hip. She then turned to the sisters. "Okay, Tink? Peri? Viola wants the two of you to search Lord Milori's private residence. She searched there already, but that was hours ago."

"Got it. We are on our way," Tink replied eagerly. Periwinkle frosted Tinker Bell's wings and the two flittered off into the Winter Woods to find their respective ruling monarchs.

Peggy Holmes then turned to the others. "Okay, the rest of you find as many fairies as you can and start searching the warm seasons."

"Where should we begin, director?" Clank asked.

"Try the Pixie Dust Tree," she replied. "Then look in whatever secluded places fairies use when they go on a romantic night out."

"We will find them where ever they are," Bobble said, saluting. He and the others returned to the Pixie Dust Tree and gathered every fairy they could on the way to start the search.

Director Peggy Holmes looked up into the sky and realized just how late it had become. If the royal couple wasn't found soon she would have to postpone shooting their scenes until the next morning. But she still had to film night time scenes with Tinker Bell, Periwinkle and Dewey. If she were to film the border scenes tomorrow it would have to be extra early in the morning just to stay on schedule. She, her crew and the cast would get very little sleep. Peggy grabbed her iPhone and looked at her scheduling for the next few days trying to rearrange it to accommodate shooting the border scenes tomorrow without disrupting her crew and the cast too much.

"I hope whatever they are doing it is worth all the trouble they're causing," she grumbled.

* * *

In Milori's bed chamber Clarion slept quietly. She was tired after their passionate exchange. The Lord of Winter give her little kisses to the back of her neck and down her spine. His hand slowly ran down her arm and then clasped her hand, intertwining his fingers into hers. When he did he felt the wedding band around her finger. It had been so long since the wedding. And yet they had so few days to be with the other. They would meet every evening at the border like they did before the border law was put into place, but that simply was not enough. Milori and Clarion knew they had scenes to film today, but they mutually agreed to stay here instead. He could still remember the conversations they had which led to this decision. Actually, it was just the same ongoing conversation with the same ongoing stalemate. At least until today.

He had finally given in to her desires, even though he had maintained the same misgivings. "We are always so busy," he can remember telling her on numerous occasions. "We can barely find time to be with each other."

"We will make time," she would always reply. "If it is that important to us we will always make the time."

Milori stared at Clarion's sleeping form. She was so beautiful with her hair down. He could watch her sleep all night long if he could. He leaned over and kissed her every so tenderly on her cheek. Milori thought he saw her smile a bit when he did.

_How could I have denied you this request for so long_, he told himself. Of course, he knew why. How could two very busy monarchs whose days were always filled with work, administration, conflict resolution and whose schedules were planned days in advance ever hope to raise a child. He wanted this as much as she did, but he was pragmatic about it.

_I hope you are right, my dearest. I hope we can find the time. I don't want our little one to be raised by ministers and nannies. I don't want our faces to be seen only once in the morning when he wakes and once more in the evening before he sleeps. Or she. I want us to be fully a part of our little one's life every day from birth until our lights go out. Maybe I was just being a coward. Too afraid to change my life, to make my days and nights all about the child. I will find the time. I will always find time to be with our little joy._

He wrapped his arm around her waist, snuggled up against her and listened to the cadence of Clarion's gentle breathing. _Rest, my love. Perhaps this evening we will have become lucky parents._

* * *

**I warned you about those hankies. **

**Please read and review. I live for feedback. It makes me feel like I'm actually involved in the writing process. **

***Stops to think about that last sentence***

**Wait!**

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**The characters of Officers Jon Baker and Frank "Ponch" Poncherello are from the tv series CHiPs and are property of MGM Studios / Turner Entertainment. CHiPs was created by Rick Rosner. The standard disclaimer applies.**


	11. Chapter 11

**No bloopers, but plenty of Clarion / Milori.**

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Tinker Bell and her fraternal twin Periwinkle arrived at Lord Milori's private residence. It was an enormous castle made from stone and ice. "Wow, did winter tinkers build this?" Tinker Bell asked.

"Yes," Periwinkle replied. "But that was a very long time ago for the first Lord of Winter."

The two flew about the castle. Tinker Bell had never seen it before despite having access to the Winter Woods for more than a century since the events being depicted in the film had actually happened. The little tinker fairy was in awe at its size and unique architecture. Everything built on her side of the border was inspired by the warm environment where she lived, but in the Winter Woods the environment was totally different. Here construction methods, architecture and aesthetic design were taken from the ice cold environs of the perpetually frozen region. Little Tinker Bell was completely fascinated by it. So much so that she momentarily forgot why she had come here.

"Look," Periwinkle barked, shaking Tinker Bell from her revery. "It's Lord Milori's owl."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I would recognize that charm necklace anywhere," Periwinkle replied happily. "Only Lord Milori's owl wears it." The petite frost fairy grabbed her cell phone and called Viola, informing her of their findings.

"I'm on my way," Viola said over the phone. "Don't do anything until I get there. And let me call director Holmes."

"Understood," Peri replied before hanging up.

"So we're just going to wait here?" Tinker Bell asked.

Peri nodded. Tinker Bell waited dutifully for several long and grueling seconds before descending to the castle grounds.

"Tink, what are you doing? Viola told us not to do anything."

"I'm _not_ doing anything," the tinker fairy said, in contrast to her actually doing something. The tinker talent set down next to the owl. She took off a glove and pressed her bare hand against the owl's feathered body.

"What are you doing?" Periwinkle asked. She had descended to the grounds as well to keep her head strong sister from getting into any trouble.

"It's a trick Fawn taught me," Tink replied. She then pressed her ear to the owl's stomach. "I'm listening to its heartbeat. If it sounds faster than usual it means that he recently arrived." With that the owl fluttered its wings and sent Tinker Bell flying into a snowbank.

"What did you learn from that?" Periwinkle asked.

"I learned that the owl doesn't like for me to touch him," Tinker Bell replied. She stood up, dusted off all the snow and put her glove back on her cold hand. She then went inside the back way of the castle and did something very unusual for her. She waited. Tink simply wanted to get out of the cold weather and into the somewhat less cold kitchen where she sat with Periwinkle and shared a cup of chamomile tea.

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"That's great news, Viola," Peggy Holmes said into her phone. "Where are you now?"

"I'm heading towards the castle as we speak. I should arrive in under five minutes."

"Do you think that Queen Clarion and Lord Milori are there?" Peggy asked the summoner.

"As I understand it, Lord Milori is never without his owl," the fairy replied. "And it stands to reason that since he and Queen Clarion were on a date they should be together. Is there any word from the Pixie Dust tree?"

"Yes, the queen was not there and the ministers have not seen her," director Holmes replied.

"Then there can be no doubt left in my mind. Her Majesty the queen is with Lord Milori."

"I hope you are right," Peggy responded. "I'll call the others and tell them to call off the search."

Peggy Holmes contacted the other search leaders and told them that the royal couple was mostly likely found in the Winter Woods at Milori's private residence. She directed them to return to the border to prepare for the next scene. All the fairies and sparrow men who would be participating in that scene headed towards the border to be ready for when the royal couple would arrive. Except for one fairy who could be as hard headedly stubborn as Tinker Bell: Vidia. She had to find out just what the heck was going on. Though now reformed Vidia still didn't mind a juicy bit of gossip to use as leverage against the queen for a few choice privileges every now and then. She wasn't mean about it anymore, of course, it was just business.

Queen Clarion tolerated this behavior chiefly because Vidia was the president of the Never Land Fairy Screen Actors Guild and negotiated _very_ favorable terms for each film. She was also excellent at representing fairies who chose to do screen or voice work outside of the Tinker Bell motion pictures. The studio heads hated it when she would show up for negotiations because she was one tough nut to crack.

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When Viola arrived at the castle she was rather astonished to see Tinker Bell and Periwinkle waiting in the kitchen sipping tea. "I thought you would have turned this castle upside down by now," she said.

"I guess you don't know me so well, do ya?" Tinker Bell replied. Viola cocked an eyebrow at the impatient tinker fairy. "Okay, okay, we started with Lord Milori's owl, but it wasn't very cooperative." Tinker Bell confessed.

Viola said nothing and did nothing, choosing instead to stare motionless at the little blonde fairy. Finally, "Okay, okay, so we also checked the basement and the first floor. I got tired of waiting."

"Then let us proceed to the upstairs," Viola said, taking the lead. The trio flittered up the stairs. Tink and Viola noticed how unusually worn the steps appeared. They instantly remembered that Milori had a broken wing and had to walk up the stairs every time he went to the second floor rather than flying as they were doing.

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Clarion stirred. She rolled and found the beaming face of her beloved lover and husband looking back at her. "What are you grinning at?" she asked him with a smile.

He reached over and kissed her. "Have you been staring at me while I sleep?" she queried.

"Only for a few minutes," he told her. "You looked lovely."

"I'm a mess," she replied. "I probably have pillow hair."

"It wouldn't dare," he quipped. They stared into each other's eyes deeper and deeper, both sensing the other's longing had not yet been satiated even by their torrid affair this afternoon. She reached up to him and kissed her love. He kissed her back, holding her in his strong arms.

Then she stopped and turned to the door. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what," he asked, utterly confused.

"Voices," she said. "Voices in the hallway." Clarion paused for a moment. "Periwinkle…, Tinker Bell and… Viola."

"They must be here to fetch us for the scenes we were slated to film today," Milori correctly surmised. "How far away are they?"

"Almost to the door," she answered.

"Quickly, they can't find us here," Milori said jumping out of bed with nothing but his good looks.

"They are almost upon us," Clarion informed Milori. "What do we do?"

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"I thought I heard something," Viola told her companions. "In this room."

"That's Lord Milori's private bed chamber," Periwinkle told the summoner fairy. Both Tinker Bell and Viola turned and gave the petite frost fairy a "and just how do you know that?" look.

"It's not a secret," she replied.

Viola knocked on the door, but there was no reply or sound from inside. She knocked again and called for the royal couple, each by name. Still no response. She turned to leave the door assuming that the room was unoccupied until she heard what sound like another door closing from inside.

The summoner talent knocked again and called to the royal couple before announcing she was going to enter the bed chamber. Slowly the door opened and Viola, Periwinkle and Tinker Bell entered the room. They quietly moved about and looked for any sign of Clarion and Milori.

"Look," Periwinkle whispered loudly. She pointed to the bed. It was unmade and the comforter was pushed aside as if someone had thrown it off in a hurry.

Tinker Bell approached the bed and pressed her hand against the sheets. "It's still warm."

"Your Majesty?" Viola called again. "Your Majesty, you and Lord Milori are needed to film scenes at the border." For several seconds not a sound could be heard except for the breathing of the three searchers. Periwinkle shrugged her shoulders to Viola's silent request. Tinker Bell did the same.

They continued to look around through the room, Tinker Bell even went so far as to look under the bed. "Tinker Bell," Viola told her in a haughty tone, "the queen would never reduce herself to hiding in such an unseemly fashion."

A thunk from the closet caught their attention. "Someone is in there," Periwinkle mouthed to the others. "The queen and Milori?" Tink mouthed back.

"Never," Viola replied in an equally silent fashion. "It must be an intruder." The summoner took her dagger and positioned herself in front of the closet doors. She motioned to Tinker Bell and Periwinkle to flank the closet and open the doors on her mark. Dagger ready, she gave the signal and the doors flew open. The summoner bellowed a frightening charge, "YAAAUUURR-" and found, to her grave astonishment, Queen Clarion and Lord Milori hiding behind hanging clothes. Clarion covered up with one of Milori's capes while Milori pulled some his clothing over his otherwise naked body.

Tinker Bell and Periwinkle screamed from the surprise. Especially after having been told that the queen would never do such a thing.

"Your Majesty?" Viola gasped, clearly shaken by the sight. She looked down, saw her dagger and sheathed it. "My apologies, your highness."

Both Clarion and Milori were clearly embarrassed by their current situation, even as they tried not to appear so. All three fairies turned away once the shock passed. "We are so sorry, Queen Clarion," Tinker Bell said, her voice quivering with fear, her body trembling.

"We understand why you are here," the queen replied. "It is our fault for not…"

"Hey, what happened?" Vidia said as she flew into the room. "What's all the nWAAAHHAA!" She covered her eyes and turned away from the closet just like the other three. Vidia then whispered to Tinker Bell and Periwinkle, "Well, now I can see why they made him the Lord of Winter."

"GAK!" was all Periwinkle could croak out. Tinker Bell's mouth fell open. "I can't believe you just said that?" she scolded. Viola was strangely silent. The fast flyer was certain the queen's pet summoner would have chewed her out. Instead, she appeared to be lost in thought. No, that wasn't it. Her eyes were wide, her mouth slightly open. It was as if her entire world has just been turned upside down. But that couldn't be right. If there was anyone in Pixie Hollow who was as unflappable as the queen it was Viola.

"Why don't we wait outside?" Periwinkle said diplomatically.

"Yes, that sounds like a very good idea," Queen Clarion said approvingly. Vidia, Peri and Tink exited the room. Viola did not move, oblivious to her surroundings.

"Viola?" the queen called out her. "Viola? Is everything all right?" Finally the summoner talent seemed to come back to the moment at hand. "Yes, your highness. I'm fine." She still did not move, though.

"Would you please leave the room so Lord Milori and I can dress," the queen directed in a gentle tone.

"Right away, Your Majesty." Viola turned to leave, but went the wrong way and almost flitted into the wall. She caught her mistake, turned and left the room, closing the door behind her.

"What is wrong with her?" Milori asked with concern.

"We are," Clarion responded rather cryptically.

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**I got Vidia's comment about Lord Milori from a Disney movie of all places: the film GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE starring Brendan Frasier . (It is going to get me into so much trouble with Milarion fans, I'm sure of it.)  
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**Please review whether you love it, hate it or don't care, I really want to hear from you.**


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